March 31st - 157,5 - 347.2

March 31st - 157,5 - 347.2


A few words, strange how easy it looks and yet how hard it is. Because it spells the simple truth. I have lost ground, so much ground that I find it hard to stand. But it is there in digital print, I have gained weight, have been struggling for a year now.

But the process did not stop. Why? I was asked the question, if you let go now..... then what. And I did not know an answer. Or at last not an answer I liked. SO I go on.

Last two weeks I lost 2.8 kg - 6.1 lbs.
My goal is to reach 150 kg - 330.6 lbs
Timeline: None
Method: live sanely, soundly, healthy, and BLOG

I have been thinking about just usuing my old blogs where I used to print out all I would eat in a day

This is my entry for June 5 2007  (old system of weight watchers) - I will not follow it to the letter, but will use it as a reminder. I invite you to come back, and take a peak at it again. It reninded me of the smoothies I used to have!  This morning I will run past the shops and get fruit and yoghurt.

Smoothies
0,0 points
-------------------------------------
0,0 p - 3 dl. dubbelfris light
0,0 p - 50 gr. raspberries
0,0 p - 50 gr. strawberries

Breakfast
5,5 points
-------------------------------------
2,0 p - 2 slices rye bread
1,0 p - 20 gram salami (WW)
2,0 p - 20 gr. goatscheese
0,5 p - 15 gr. linera margerine 25%

Lunch
4,0 points
-------------------------------------
2,0 p - 2 slices rye bread
3,0 p - 3 cs margarine
0,0 p - 200 gr. mushrooms
0,0 p - 2 tomatoes/lettuce

Diner
7,0 points
-------------------------------------
Large green salad
5,0 p - 60 gr. goatscheese
1,0 p - 50 gr. boiled potatoes
1,0 p - 1 cs yoghonaise

Diversen
4,0 points
-------------------------------------
4,0 p - 4 chocolate truffels
0,0 p - 0,5 l. Coca Cola zero 
-------------------------------------
6 glazen water, 3 vetables - 2 fruit, 2 fat, 2 calcium
-------------------------------------

Giving up...

I am so close to giving up..in fact have I not given up already? I have gained a lot of weight, and am struggling to even see the road. There are however some small anchors still keeping me semi grounded to the cause. What makes me sad most of all, is not the gained weight, let's face it I am used to it. But moreso the fact that I really believed I could change my life, my ways, only to learn that I may be able to it, but have in fact NOT.

The small anchors- both positive and negative?

• still going to weight watchers. Not every week, but I am still going.
• friends who keep being in terested
• remembering how good it felt to lug around less weight
• having thrown away all clothes way too big for me, noticing the clothes I have now are ill fitting, and in fact some do not fit anymore!
• being healthy is important to me.
• Looking "fat" again, and I do not want that!
• still working out, less but still 4-5 times a week

Yesterday I went to weight watchers for the first time in 4 weeks . I had LOST 0.5 lb. Not much at all, but the important fact was I HAD lost weight,and had not been to a weigh in for 4 weeks; because believe me I can gain 15 lbs in such a period, and have in fact done so.

SO, in short I am on the cross road.....to keep going and view this as a learbing curve, or just stop and work to accept the fact that I am a product of my childhood and past, and cannot change.

This is in fact a cry for help........