The day after WHAT, I can hear you ask?
Well the day after I heard I have been selected, for a job which I consider to the crown on my career, an interesting and challenging job. I was extremely nervous, and had been anxiously awaiting the results from my interview, when I received a phone call. I picked up too late, got a voice mail and had to redial 4 times as I dialed the wrong number 3 times. Finally I spoke to a lady I did not know, the replacement of the one I did know who was on a holiday. Her initial approach to me did not make me very feel very succesful. But to make along story sort, after one additional question, she informed me I had the job.
I am a very controlled and structured person, which means I do not jump around for joy. And boy is that a handicap. Inside there was this burst of energy, a smile a mile wide, and outwardly there was little to show for it. I shared embraces with some of my colleagues, but still now, up to now 3 days later, it is still very ..........unreal. I have informed family, friends, work associates, and all are happy for me, wish me luck, tell me how they feel it is the job for me.
Know what?
My process of "health watching", life changing, weight changing, perspective changing has led me to this, because the job I have applied for is not something I would have applied for 288 days - 126 weeks ago - 29 months ago. I am a stronger, more defined, self aware person, highly aware of my qualities, my weaknesses. Strong enough to face both, to exploit both to the maximum. And so I know that I CAN do this. Every day my strength, perseverance, and stamina amaze me. It is not just a phase I am going through, but a different life, a different me. And I am genuinely proud of myself.
Still .........
there are days I wonder how in the world will keep going, because I won't be finished in a week, a month, even a few months. It makes me, in a way, sad at times that there is no one, just for me, to share this with. Having said that I am never lonely, and rarely experience the sense of being alone. I have great and wonderful friends, wonderful colleagues, a family I can turn to when I wish. And this life changing process is easier on my own, I have no one to explain myself to, or even answer to. No battles over food items I would not wish to have in the house, or complaints about spending as much time at the gym as I do. I have seen too many try and succumb to the lure of loving partners who say enough is enough, or simply demand to finally have a normal meal, or a decent bag of crisps in the house.
At present in my life there is no room for any one else but myself. Changes like the one I am undergoing demand time, so much time, demand energy, so much energy, demand attention, so much attention. There would be nothing left for any one else. At this moment in time, dividing my time, effort and attention between me and another on a daily basis would be detrimental to my perseverance. I am sure of that. And so as I have said before EGOISM is a big part of the change in me. The one thing I have to guard against is for the egoism, healthy as it is right now, to take on proportions which drive away precious friends. But I am sure they will warn me in time...............right, guys and gals?
And thus for now persevering does mean being egoistic, joyfully, gracefully egoistic. I like that phrasing:
Now for the humdrum: no weigh in this Wednesday. I had a dinner do, with opera with the office colleagues, so ou will have to wait for next week. But going well, doing well I think. Time will tell. Exercise wise, I am on fire. I drive myself harder, deeper, stronger, faster every day!
Last Sunday I purposely chose not to work out, giving myself a day of rest, just like the good Lord did! Creation is a tiring business and in a way I am creating myself all over again.
Anyways, have a great week, a great day, and remember you ARE the most important person in the world, for without you there is no "your world".
Well the day after I heard I have been selected, for a job which I consider to the crown on my career, an interesting and challenging job. I was extremely nervous, and had been anxiously awaiting the results from my interview, when I received a phone call. I picked up too late, got a voice mail and had to redial 4 times as I dialed the wrong number 3 times. Finally I spoke to a lady I did not know, the replacement of the one I did know who was on a holiday. Her initial approach to me did not make me very feel very succesful. But to make along story sort, after one additional question, she informed me I had the job.
I am a very controlled and structured person, which means I do not jump around for joy. And boy is that a handicap. Inside there was this burst of energy, a smile a mile wide, and outwardly there was little to show for it. I shared embraces with some of my colleagues, but still now, up to now 3 days later, it is still very ..........unreal. I have informed family, friends, work associates, and all are happy for me, wish me luck, tell me how they feel it is the job for me.
Know what?
My process of "health watching", life changing, weight changing, perspective changing has led me to this, because the job I have applied for is not something I would have applied for 288 days - 126 weeks ago - 29 months ago. I am a stronger, more defined, self aware person, highly aware of my qualities, my weaknesses. Strong enough to face both, to exploit both to the maximum. And so I know that I CAN do this. Every day my strength, perseverance, and stamina amaze me. It is not just a phase I am going through, but a different life, a different me. And I am genuinely proud of myself.
Still .........
there are days I wonder how in the world will keep going, because I won't be finished in a week, a month, even a few months. It makes me, in a way, sad at times that there is no one, just for me, to share this with. Having said that I am never lonely, and rarely experience the sense of being alone. I have great and wonderful friends, wonderful colleagues, a family I can turn to when I wish. And this life changing process is easier on my own, I have no one to explain myself to, or even answer to. No battles over food items I would not wish to have in the house, or complaints about spending as much time at the gym as I do. I have seen too many try and succumb to the lure of loving partners who say enough is enough, or simply demand to finally have a normal meal, or a decent bag of crisps in the house.
At present in my life there is no room for any one else but myself. Changes like the one I am undergoing demand time, so much time, demand energy, so much energy, demand attention, so much attention. There would be nothing left for any one else. At this moment in time, dividing my time, effort and attention between me and another on a daily basis would be detrimental to my perseverance. I am sure of that. And so as I have said before EGOISM is a big part of the change in me. The one thing I have to guard against is for the egoism, healthy as it is right now, to take on proportions which drive away precious friends. But I am sure they will warn me in time...............right, guys and gals?
And thus for now persevering does mean being egoistic, joyfully, gracefully egoistic. I like that phrasing:
Willow
excels at
excels at
graceful egoism
Now for the humdrum: no weigh in this Wednesday. I had a dinner do, with opera with the office colleagues, so ou will have to wait for next week. But going well, doing well I think. Time will tell. Exercise wise, I am on fire. I drive myself harder, deeper, stronger, faster every day!
Last Sunday I purposely chose not to work out, giving myself a day of rest, just like the good Lord did! Creation is a tiring business and in a way I am creating myself all over again.
Anyways, have a great week, a great day, and remember you ARE the most important person in the world, for without you there is no "your world".
6 comments:
Hi! I just cae across your blog and wantd to tell you its awesome :o). I just started my own blog about weightloss and have recently lost 147lbs in 9 months and 2 weeks. I noticed too that we started out at the same weight, 300lbs, pretty crazy huh. Its deff. a tough challenege to loose but SO SO worth it! Your doing great, keep it up! Glad to see others blogging about weight loss!
~kassandra
Congratulations Willow! Great news on getting the job. Glad that you feel it was partly due to the new selfconfidence, but that probabely got you to applying - winning it is because of you skills and personality, not because of your weightloss.
I'm sure it is a great booster though. Feel good and celebrate a little. Champagne is not too hard, pointwise ;)
I won't be finished in a week, a month, even a few months
Which, of course, is the wrong way of looking at it - as I'm sure you well know :)
The best way of looking at it is, in a year's time, that year will have gone past anyway - whether you are several kilos lighter or several kilos heavier.
Time will pass whatever we do, so we may as well aim to be healthier as time passes.
Huge congratulations to you for getting the job, Willow :)
Hey Kass, dutchmarbel and kim,
Kass: Thank you so much for you post. You awed me, how fantastic, how uttterly7 out of this world fantastic. That must have been an effort of herculean proportions!
You radiant and lovely, fit and healthy. Keep it off, and be happy, so very very happy!
dutchmarbel: I celebrated with White port, and chocolate. And some male attention -grins- So how about you and I..coffee, tea? I'll send you an e-mail! Am willing to travel, and bring my own tea, or coffee!
Kim: as ever you are so right. - gives you a huge hug- Besides, why put an end date on something which is my life, not just a process!
Thanks, mr. voice of reason and wisdom!
Hugs to you too :)
It's that thing we've been talking about over the years - our aim is to be healthy - and in the process of doing that, the weight comes off as a side effect.
But there's never a point we reach where we can say - that's it, I'm healthy now, so I can stop :)
Kim is such a wise man... It really doesn't ever end, does it? I think that's why it's so wonderful that you have learned how to enjoy the process and to enrich your own life by being proud of your own accomplishment. Congratulations on the new job! I believe graceful egoism is exactly what is called for!
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