I feel like a person lost in a strange land. I am in that place where I feel ike I am blind, quite alone and dismal. I am on a little by road which is hard to traverse, uneven, muddy and wholly unpleasant to be on. So from time to time I rush into the many places alongside it which offer consollation for the weary traveller, and buy masses of comfort food. Which I find I try to eat all at once, in that moment finding solace. Only to feel worse once I have eaten the lot.
I have not blogged in a while, and what I had dreaded, the end of the year blues, slump, detour, horror, has indeed happened to me. I am struggling to get out again. I have gained so much weight again that it is ridiculous. I now weigh 146.3 kg/322.6 lbs
For weeks I have been avoiding the numbers. Seeing them printed is not a good thing, but at least gives me a place to start again. Having said that, I still am 25.9kg/57 lb less than I was when I started in may 2007. This blog post is a way to rearrange my thoughts, get past this feeling of being a total failure, and accept that I am just human and not some kind of "weight"machine, faulty or non faulty.
A way to set out the parameters again, to regain my drive, my will power, my UMPF!
1. Go to the gym every morning -a total of 5 times minimum-
- go in the morning, or else my work will make it impossible to go, afternoons just don't work out -
- at least twice power training, twice cardio training, all else is optional.
2. eat healthy
3. drink 2 liters of water a day, eat fruit
4. write down all points, active points
5. cut down on sugary stuff.
6. get at least 6 hrs of sleep, 8 is better (weekend are good to get 8 hrs of sleep)
7. do my shopping in time, so I never have an excuse to stray
8. plan my meals for the day
9. when at home cook every evening
BUT MOST OF ALL:
10. be positive, be positive, be positive, be positive
This monring I have slept 6 hrs, just finished my porridge, worth 8 points, have water beside me, and finished two satsuma's munching on an apple.
I was reading my last post before this one. The lat lines and thatb was some 4 months ago were : I AM SO incredibly, unbelievably, undeniably HAPPY. Does that mean I am unhappy now. No, it does not. My job is going well, my friends, my family all is going well. Let;s just say I am disatisfied, slightly disappointed, and find it hard to call out for help. In these momenst I find I cannot reach out and accept help. SO once again I make it hard on myself and force myself to do it all alone.
Weird, isn't it. Well, it is not completely true, I did share all of this with one person. Tears, self incriminations. I talked about it with best friends, my WW coach, and decided posting here is step one. From ther on off it will be all uphill and going strong again.
I CAN
I WILL
I WANT TO
11 comments:
Big hugs, Willow. I know how you feel. My own road has been bumpy but is again evening out. The holidays weren't good (foodwise), then I was sick most of January which put the kibosh on exercise because I couldn't breathe. So I begin again. I have a treadmill now and am learning how to use it with out injury (had an inflamed Achilles tendon from trying to do too much too soon). I find it helps a lot. It's in my family room with the TV, so if I'm watching TV, I make it a rule to do at least 30 minutes on the treadmill at the same time.
We CAN do it. Sticking to it is only part. Supporting each other is only part. Staying motivated can be hard, but better weather is coming and it's easier when the sun is shining and there's a light breeze. Keep checking in. I think that helps too!
So glad to see you blogging again. It means you're in a place to catch hold and move forward once more.
I relate Willow. I haven't been blogging or acknowledging my growing size for a long time, but I'm back and glad to see you're still here fighting the good fight.
Keep it up!!!
(((Hugs)))
You CAN do it! Sending positive vibes your way.
WIIIIIILLLLLLOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!
Where are you????
Where are you dear Willow??? Don't give up!!!
I haven't been around in a while and just wanted to say, "Hi"
what an honest post! You need to look at the fact that you have lost weight! good for you! I love your list , and I am going to do those things myself this week. You can dp thos , you can lose the weight , I can too. we do need support and help. We can not do this alone. So - we can be there for each other.
So what's happened since then? Have you continued in your weight loss?
Ask yourself whether rearranging is what you sincerely are interested in through your thoughts
No sign of you for a long time.
Hope you're ok
((hugs))
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