885 WW & 435 FF - A weekend without..........

Saturday 3rd October, a day without going to the gym! Yes, they DO exist! And I feel just a smidge guilty. I spent some quality time talking to a friend on the phone, and then just......decided not to go. I have a dinner guest this afternoon. Still have to pick the menu, and clean up my house just a tad. It is not that bad.

Main focus will be shopping and cooking. Oh yes, and putting light bulbs in the lighting of my room. ALL are broken, and so no electric light. Not that I use much of it anyways. I just adore candles (puts them on my list).

This weekend will be a slow all about me weekend. The week has been hectic, manic, and fantastic. New job, lots of people I talked to. Planned a short trip to Ireland, where I will meet my brother and his wife, a very dear friend and some one I know on line, and we will have coffee and meet face to face. That will be nice.

I try to do that more and more; change on line contacts/friends into full fledged contacts and friends. It is a great pleasure usually. Been trying to find an old friend who I used to know when she lived in Amsterdam. So if any one know Gini Visser, by all means contact me! Been trying to find the lady for some years now.

OK, what else.............? Well, nothing really. Oh yes, will have to buy a card for my weightwatchers coach and my nephew. The first has a neck hernia, the second a birthday (adds that to the list as well)

Sunday 4th October, ANOTHER day without gym? HELP! -grins- I am doing just grand, though I celebrated my new job with white port, chocolate and some male attention (....... *fill in the dots yourself*). I saw my guest off at a little after Mid day and then went floating with a friend.

Floating, to just float, seemingly weightless in salt water basin of your own; a small cabin where the temperature is equal to your body temp, there is no light, and far as possible, no sound. Just your own heart beat and breathing. It has been a year ago since the last time I did it. Did it feel different. Not really, but for one thing, I was too active to stay in the water longer than 25 minutes, so the remainder of the session I had a royal POWER shower, and waited for Fred. It was his first time floating. But as he said "not for him". He finds it impossible to relax enough. Now granted if he would wish to, he could learn to relax like that. But he does not want to.

We had coffee at my place, and when he left I did my own thing until I went to bed. Oh yes, I tried some zumba moves, still having trouble with the que ve meuve, or whatever it is called. I am fine with the diamond step, and the meringue march though!

Went to bed early, and when ~I woke I decided to wear my brand new chocolate brown suit. Me in a suit - power dressed for the occasion. I had to shorten the trousers and will have to take in the waist at the back just a little. My derriere is not big enough any more. And as such I note that I am disproportionally shaped; to accommodate my belly and stomach I need 1 or 2 sizes bigger in trousers. However there is too much material which lovingly encases my arse! That or it is too small! Same with jackets, when they fit around my waist, I do not have enough chest material to fill up the rest of the jacket -grins- BUT if that is the worst of my problems, I am a happy bunny! I'll just nip and tuck at the material, same as I nip and tuck at my biological material. I will ask Fred to make a photograph!

Active-person-re-creating-her-life!

Went to the gym and worked hard, very hard. had fun, so much fun sweating my buns off. I find myself moving into an involuntary jog at times. Just because I am having so much fun. My walking speed is so fast that I might just as well jog. I mean at 3.5 mls/hr is is easier to jog than to walk. Now I don't make it past 1 minute at a time but, I do make it!

Now Sayre, now there is a woman I admire! My wonderful blog friend Sayre featured my end of years resolution in her own blog on Monday 21st September: http://becauseimfat.blogspot.com/2009/09/what-i-want-for-christmas.html. I am honored, chuffed, grinning from ear to ear that she did. In it she quotes my goal for Christmas 2009 which is 120kg/264.5 lbs.

And I am still hard at work to make it. This week I will be reassessing that aim and I feel I will have to readjust it to 125 kg/275 lbs. I am moving slow these [past few weeks, and so busy socially that I am having trouble keeping on the straight and narrow. mind you the path is still narrow, but not all together too straight.

Have a nice day you all, and to those who need it, an extra warm and energizing hug.

882 WW & 437 FF - The Day After, and perservering (a few days later than that due to slow posting)

The day after WHAT, I can hear you ask?

Well the day after I heard I have been selected, for a job which I consider to the crown on my career, an interesting and challenging job. I was extremely nervous, and had been anxiously awaiting the results from my interview, when I received a phone call. I picked up too late, got a voice mail and had to redial 4 times as I dialed the wrong number 3 times. Finally I spoke to a lady I did not know, the replacement of the one I did know who was on a holiday. Her initial approach to me did not make me very feel very succesful. But to make along story sort, after one additional question, she informed me I had the job.

I am a very controlled and structured person, which means I do not jump around for joy. And boy is that a handicap. Inside there was this burst of energy, a smile a mile wide, and outwardly there was little to show for it. I shared embraces with some of my colleagues, but still now, up to now 3 days later, it is still very ..........unreal. I have informed family, friends, work associates, and all are happy for me, wish me luck, tell me how they feel it is the job for me.

Know what?

My process of "health watching", life changing, weight changing, perspective changing has led me to this, because the job I have applied for is not something I would have applied for 288 days - 126 weeks ago - 29 months ago. I am a stronger, more defined, self aware person, highly aware of my qualities, my weaknesses. Strong enough to face both, to exploit both to the maximum. And so I know that I CAN do this. Every day my strength, perseverance, and stamina amaze me. It is not just a phase I am going through, but a different life, a different me. And I am genuinely proud of myself.

Still .........

there are days I wonder how in the world will keep going, because I won't be finished in a week, a month, even a few months. It makes me, in a way, sad at times that there is no one, just for me, to share this with. Having said that I am never lonely, and rarely experience the sense of being alone. I have great and wonderful friends, wonderful colleagues, a family I can turn to when I wish. And this life changing process is easier on my own, I have no one to explain myself to, or even answer to. No battles over food items I would not wish to have in the house, or complaints about spending as much time at the gym as I do.  I have seen too many try and succumb to the lure of loving partners who say enough is enough, or simply demand to finally have a normal meal, or a decent bag of crisps in the house.

At present in my life there is no room for any one else but myself. Changes like the one I am undergoing demand time, so much time, demand energy, so much energy, demand attention, so much attention. There would be nothing left for any one else. At this moment in time, dividing my time, effort and attention between me and another on a daily basis would be detrimental to my perseverance. I am sure of that. And so as I have said before EGOISM is a big part of the change in me. The one thing I have to guard against is for the egoism, healthy as it is right now, to take on proportions which drive away precious friends. But I am sure they will warn me in time...............right, guys and gals?

And thus for now persevering does mean being egoistic, joyfully, gracefully egoistic. I like that phrasing:

Willow
excels at

graceful egoism

Now for the humdrum: no weigh in this Wednesday. I had a dinner do, with opera with the office colleagues, so ou will have to wait for next week. But going well, doing well I think. Time will tell. Exercise wise, I am on fire. I drive myself harder, deeper, stronger, faster every day!

Last Sunday I purposely chose not to work out, giving myself a day of rest, just like the good Lord did! Creation is a tiring business and in a way I am creating myself all over again.

Anyways, have a great week, a great day, and remember you ARE the most important person in the world, for without you there is no "your world".