543 WW days & 74 FF days - Can you change habits of half a life time?

Changing my ways

Can you change the habits of half a life time? Yes, you can. But DON'T expect them to change fast. It takes months.........years. At the end of my first six months and 40 kg/88.1 lbs less in weight, I thought had it licked. "THEY" say it takes 6 months so. I made it there. YES! But I am now one year on and before three months had passed I gained near 11 kg/24 lbs, and am still fighting to get it off. A holifay, and christmas, new year really kicked me in the face. I thought I knew the trick? WRONG!

For a while I viewed it as failing, major failing. From defeat, to desillusion, to disappointment to acceptance, to determination, to a feeling that I can continue where I am without having to look back to last year october, to the realisation that despite the weight gain I had lost more than triple the weight AND could do it.AGAIN, or STILL.

My focus is now on the holiday season, making sure I tackle them with a confident feeling that I will not gain weight again. My aim is still to weigh less than 130 kg/286.6 lbs on january 1, 2009. That is 7 kg/15.4 lbs to go in 9 weeks. A though challenge but with my gym visits continued I know I can make it.

I notice I do not wwcount points anymore. I play by ear, and though I know it is a dangeous thing to do, and for a WW girl a deadly sin, I am doing well. I know the points of most food items, and when I look at the calorie and fat content I can guess pretty accurate how many points it is. The recipe for a point free life? Time fore most, a sense of foodcontent by now ingrained, I also use all kinds of tools given to me by friend, mentors, WW and the internet. So summing it up.... let me think..

1. Buy light, sugarless, low in fat, or fatless products, when possible biological as well.
2. Eat sweets, snack sensibly, restrict them to small portions, and usually only when I just excercised. When I have chosolate it is dark real dark, and a small bar.
3. Go to the gym 4 times a week, 700 kcal a session.
4. Always have breakfast ALWAYS, if I am up late on sunday, make it brunch, big brunch
5. Balance out lunch and dinner. So one big lunch or dinner cancels out the other one and have a small bite to eat instead.
6. When I want something sweet, I eat fruit.
7. When I am really hungry in between I have biological 0% fat curd with honey. TO DIE FOR!
8. Sinning is no sin, but a treat! No more than twice a week though.
9. drink water
10. Spend time outdoors no matter how the weather is!
11. Spend time with friends, do not lock myself indoors and "hang" around
12 Cycle do not use public transport or a car

I find I do not like real fat food any more. But go for more pure tastes, even pure tastes in vegetables. I have eaten cabbage, pure, without sauce, again. And it was good. Cauliflower without white sauce, and it was good! The past year and a half have been a revelation, an exploration into me.....a most enjoyable journey with ups and downs, but very enjoyable!

I extremely seldom have McDonalds or other snackfood, but for instance go one door down and have Italian pasta, brown biologocal and ask them to go easy on the oil. In geeneral I have grown much more picky about my food, and the way it is prepared, so in restaurants I state my preferences loud and clear. I do not feel forced to all which is on my plate, and WILL ask for a doggybag, which in my country is not always a given.

I just checked my blog or last year. Know what. I weighed exactly the same! -grins- How does that affect me. Is it a year lost? NO, it is proof that overall I did not gain weight in a year's time. Pretty good. But I still have not stopped. the best is yet to come!!!

542 WW & 73 FF days - Contemplating Weight Watchers

Signing in again....

No worries, no worries! I am not lost in action. Nor have I strayed far from the path. Fitness is still 4 times a week, and I try and watch my P's and q's foodwise as best as I can. I havehad a visitor for a whole week, that sort of cut into the routine. A bit more chocolate, some ice cream, some crisps, but none too bad.

What is happening is that I keep thinking I can do without Weight Watchers. Well not the programme, because by now that is ingrained in my brain, but more the weekly check ups. I weigh myself twice a week at the gym, so any kind of change is registered there. I keep a log of my progress, but notice it is hard to compare to the programme before fitness. For I notice that eventhough Ido not see any significant weightloss I do notice a slimmer form, tighter muscles, better physique.

Tape measure wise I don't see much difference either, but I do notice it in my clothes. I feel even better, look even better, have even more bounce, and more stamina. In short I feel GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

I am planning to stop weekly weigh ins as of january 1st 2009. But am sort of weening myself off to see how I cope. Anyone have any suggestions?

Yes, GOOOOOOD idea?

Noooooooo, BAD idea!!

Mind you I weigh myself 2 times a week, and go to the gym 4 times a week. I keep my progress scheduled in a chart. Any one have any experience with this?

This post sort of got stuck in draft version. Weigtwise I am doing fine. I will augment the weeklist list on the left soon! I promise. Bottomline, I now weigh 137.0 kg/3042.0 lbs, weightloss is now 35.7 kg/78.5 lbs. The weight is dropping off slowly. It does not look like much, 4 lbs in 4 weeks, but there has been a GAIN week in the past month, of nearly 3 lbs. Also the weight is shifting from fat to muscle. I look different, my lower legs are toned and sleek, my upper legs less bulky and flabby, my waist is starting to show more clearly, my stomach muscles stronger and more toned. With the weight I have it does not show easily, but it DOES show. And what is more I CAN FEEL IT!

So for those of you who were wondering I am still here. And still going strong. As I have said before the work outs at the gym are in a way heaven, they relax me, make me feel good and keep me on my toes. The sauna and steamroom after do wonders for my skin. I have started to go to the gym after work. Then when I come home I have left the day behind me, and the stress has just melted away. RRRRRRRRRRRREAL..........good!

On Stress...........watch the dolphins!

The picture below was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's Hospital. Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find differences between the two dolphins. The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing.

Look at the photograph, and if you find more than one or two differences, you may want to take a vacation or at least get a massage.

How did you do?

Do you need a vacation?! Apparently I do! Hope you got a good laugh! On a serious note, laughter is a great way to reduce stress and boost immune function. The general advice is, find a friend who can make you laugh, or put on a funny movie. Pin Panther always does it for me. You will feel better for it!

513 WW & 54 FF days - A day from hell.........!

Recipe: a chairman with a head cold, a lady requiring first aid, and blogger with little sleep and a theatre visit.

This morning Fitness; but I did not get much sleep last night. I had a very interesting conversation with my best friend. Digging deep into our souls, hearts and psyches, finding fears, needs and mutual qualifications for future partners. -grins- I feel sorry for any future partners for either of us. These people should be near fantastic and/or perfect. Honestly I doubt they exist. But all of this resulted in a 3.5 hour intense discussion, most enjoyable, and in a way exhillerating. As a result I could not sleep right away, so I went to bed at near 3 PM. I allowed myself some 2.5 hours of sleep, and dragged my butt out of bed to go to the fitness. AND I actually felt like going even as tired as I was.

I did 15 minutes of cycling, my lack of sleep evident i the slow oace, and the near impossible task of getting my heart rate up to 115. I choose a programme called "Mont Blanc"means you gradually climb to the top, and then gradually descend; 115 kcal. Picking up the pace, this was followed by a treadclimber session of 20 mins at 3.5 km/hr 2mls/hr; 285 kcal. To be topped off by 20 mins of cross training, of wich I did about 8 mins without holding the handsupports (yay for me); 255 kcal. The last part I did to the great songs of Trijntje Oosterhuis, and the songs and lyrics of Stevie wonder. All of this totals 655 kcal.

Foodwise I am doing good. Some yoghurt, some milk, some dark dark chocolate, min tea and honey. So what is lacking is vegetables, fruit. I will be sure to make up on that today.

As for men and being ill, or getting a cold? My at present "headcolded"chairman is taxing at the best of days, but today he really iced the cake. With the stock exchange plummeting, and bacteria having a field day wth him he choose to take it out on practically every one. Me included. Time for me to step outside, take a few deep breaths, wipe away some tears of frustration, walk back in and try to have a rational discussion. Near impossible, but I am proud to say I stood my ground as far as is was possible.

The man is an immovable force, with a firm belief in his own infallabillity. The non perfect state of people such as me is a defect, not a perfectly acceptable fact for any human. If I would take this serious I WOULD blame myself for a mistake made, and give myself a firm thrashing *ahem*. As it is I accepted the scolding, but not the cursing and the over the top incriminations.

The trick is of course to regain composure and even regain my good mood. View the confrontation as just that, and not a full fledged war which it resembled. Leave it behind me, and continue with the more imporatnt facts of the day. Such as: FLOWERS for me!

Why? Yesterday we, read the chairman, had a guest for a meeting. The woman had taken a bad fall at Amsterdam station, but determined to keep the appointment kept going untill she was at our office. With a large wound on her knee, pantyhose ruined, painful shoulder, badle scraped handpalms, and a sprained ankle she looked quite dishevelled. I tended to her wounds and put a bandage on her ankle, applying some make shift genius on her shoe with rubber bands to keep it on her foot (there was no way the strap would fit) and cleaned her hands. And so today I got a huge bunch of flowers, really thoughtful. And with that in mind, the bad mood of my chairman becomes quite trivial. I will make a photograph of the flower and post them here later!

Tonight I am going to an amateur play in the theatre where Ali features in one of the leading parts. I hope to God I do not fall asleep! I am curius to see how she does. All in all a healthy slightly unnerving day, and it is only half way. And you know, I just realised something! usually a day like this one and the alteraction with the chairman would have made me binge on everything and anything which is bad/non healthy for me. In huge quantaties trying to console myself. Not anymore, the piece of chocolate I had was too small to call it comfort food, and it was biological, and 70% dark!

Emotion eating has always been a big issue for me. Let's face it, any emotion and I had a reason to treat or console myself. As they say in dutch "if a fart had lodged itself crooked up my arse"I had a reason to commiserate. Anything would go. Well, NOT this time!

HAH!

512 WW & 53 FF days - a good week despite marginal weightgain

And the results are..... 0.6 lbs weigtgain.

It has been a good week, excercise was good and intense, food was well dosed, though somewhat lacking in fruit and vegetable. Both will be a point of attention for this week. Today is sushi for dinner with a friend, lunch with a colleague. So the latter will be a simple salad and some juice, the first is home made sushi, so it is all in my hand.

Apples for this afternoon as a snack. This morning rye bread with datesyrup for breakfast I promised some one to come up with a weeks worth of planning. I think it was Candee (My Weight Loss Journey). So I have my work cut put for me *grins*

This morning I still feel bloated, and not sure why. But I have confidence that given some attetion to the problem, it will all show itself next on the scales. Ever since the disaster wednesday some 4 weeks ago, I am trying to adopt another reasoning towards the scales. I try to go by my own conscience. The question being have I tried my best, not what do the scales tell me.

Sounds good to you? To me it does, and it makes me feel much more relaxed. I hope I can adopt this permenantly, and not just this moment. Now there is a challenge!

511 WW & 52 FF days -

Weigh in day

I feel big, a bit bloated. Ever had such a day? It has been a good week, but as I fitnessed on monday morning and will not go untill this afternoon, I am missing the feel good vibe! I actually look forward to my work out. And I have to stop myself not to overdo it. I keep wanting to go days in between, and catch myself thinking "I wish I had my work out gear with me, I could put in an hour or so"? May be I should start bringing it with me to work as a standard? Or have a full set at the office?

That sounds a bit.......odd, doesn't it?

I was readings half man's blog, and his epic triathlon story. I was in awe, I reread it three times at least, gobbling it up like mad. Deep down inside I want to achieve something like that as well. But I am not that big a believer in myself, YET! But let's face it I NEVER in my wildest dream would have ever thought me a fitness person. So miracles can happen! And if it is up to me, they will happen!

----------------------------

Sayre gave my ego a boost not so long ago and I do wish to mention it here. It is kind of odd how close you can feel to people at times, even if you have never met them before. Sayre is one of them! Below is her commendation for me. But above all it made me proud to be in a small group with 3 special people. Sayre is right! They inspire me every day, make me feel better, and keep me on course.

Struggling with weightloss isn't usually seen as a joy, but sharing the journey with amazing people certainly is. Nona and Willow and Half-Man and Kim Ayres have been my sounding board, my policemen and my inspiration. We all struggle with this weight issue, but it's so much nicer when you can share.

510 WW & 51 FF days

Halloween Challenge

Spidey challenged a bunch of us:

Join us at the HALLOWEEN CHALLENGE!
THE WITCHES' EVE WILL SEE US FINALLY GET IT TOGETHER!!!!
Lose weight or lose your soul!

I will take the bait, sets a solid in-between target for 01-01-2009 when I want to be 129 kg/284.3 lbs. OK here goes:

weight 09-01-2008: 141.3 kg/311.5 lbs
weight 09-03-2008: 142.0 kg/313.0 lbs
weight 09-10-2008: 140.6 kg/310.0 lbs
weight 09-17-2008: 138.6 kg/305.5 lbs

By 11-30-2008 I aim to have lost 6.8 kg/15lbs and weigh 134,5 kg/296.5 lbs

505 WW (weight watchers) & 46 FF (fitness first) days - Going down!

And the results are.....

A quick post, real quick. I will try and make up for it soon! Yesterday's weigh in showed a 4.4 lbs/2.0 kg reduction in weight and believe me it is all fat and more as my muscle weight has gone up meanwhile. I have officially broken through the 140 kg/309 lbs mark!! YES.

My next stop? Less that 300 lbs/136.1 kg. The next one? 45 kg/110 lbs weightloss, or on weight numbers: 127,5 kg/281 lbs.

Yesterday just before the weigh in I went to the gym as well. It was hard, I will say that. My muscles are still "tired". But I did enjoy the challenge very much. Going there as often as I do, people are starting to recognise me. That in itself is fun. ME, a regular at the gym. NEVER in my wildest dreams did I ever think that.

My excercise for the day:

20 mins cycling - 140 kcal
20 mins tredclimbing -240 kcal
18 mins cross training - 210 kcal
58 mins TOTAL EXCERCISE -> 590 kcal

Thank you for all your support!

503 WW & 44 FF days - Muscle pain -> WHooohoo I have muscles!

Three days beyond 500 Weight Watcher's days

Last night I received an official complaint. The muscles at the top of my hips near my lower back, as well as the muscles at the top of my upper legs near my knees are a wee bit.......affected. So to answer all of your questions: Did I stop? Heck NO!

BUT, I really was not happy two weeks ago. I really really felt cheated. Doing all that work and sticking to my healthy eating regime, and gaining weight! Dammit to heck! All your wonderful posts did help. And of course I know it not as simple as 2-1=1. So many factors play a part and I will never know what it was that made me gain that weight. All I know is I tried my best. And that is the thing I should remember, right?

For my cinqcentenntial anniversary I have decided the following. I will not post my eatingschedule any more. people have commentexd It just does not make any sense to them and it is frankly.........ver uninteresting, UNLESS youuse Weightwatchers too. I will still write for myself, but no longer post it here.

GOOD NEWS, WE NEED GOOD NEWS!

Good news was and is that by now I like the excercising so much that I just go regardless. And I have even upped the calorie burn. I am now to 1000+, kcal that is IF time allows because to do that I need about 3 hours, which includes training, cool down, steam room, relaxing and getting home. I try and do this twice a week on monday and sunday, and the other two times I stick to a 600+ kcal regime. It works well, and eventhough I have some muscle pain now, I feel good and content.

I have found out I am competative. Whenever I work out with friends I want to go higher, further, deeper and longer. As a result of always having logged around a lot of body weight my muscles are used to intese and heavy work, BUT as I found out they are not very good at the fast and fusious work outs. Give me a stairclimber with a lot of resistance and I am fine, I will keep on grunting untill I have done the minutes, ask me to burn a set amount of calories on a bicycle at low resistance and I fail. I am not good at the speed things, I get out of breath and even bored.

After yesterday's work put cycling to work this morning was a bit of a challenge, and slower than usual. And I could feel the strain in my upper legs. -grins- I was glad that several traffic lights forced me to stop and wait, giving me some slight repose.

Foodwise I am sticking to eating healthy, BUT also making sure I eat enough! With all this excercise the WW numbers need to be stretched considerably. So I eat more carbs, and try and eat even more vegetables. It proves hard, but I am doing my utmost not to grab the sweet stuff. On the 1000+ days I use up almost 2/3 of what WW advises me to eat, on 600+ days about half of the WW daily intake. So all in all I use up 2.5 days worth of more calories in a week. I would like them ALL to come out of my fat reserves, but it does not work that way really. So eat I more just to keep the motor going effectively.

Oh yes and there is good news as well, Last week, one week after my personal deepest disillusion I lost the weight I had gained the week before. This week I hope to get through the 140 KG/308 lbs barrier. I have been struggling with that one for a while. For christmas this year I have set a a challenging goal, well I think so at least, 129 kg/285 lbs. This means I want to lose 11kg/23 lbs in 14 weeks. This is 1.7 lbs a week. I promised myself to adjust this if it proves too challenging.

Tomorrow is my weigh in again. I will keep you all posted.

Oh, and as for my excercise regime:

28 min cycling -> 220 kcal
42 min tredclimbing ->560 kcal
22 mins Cross training -> 260 kal
8 mins walk (cool down) -> 50 kcal

100 mins -> 1090 kcal

491 FF & 32 F days - Big fat liar

Day maximum: 27,0 points
Bonuspoints used/saved/week's total saved: 0,0/0,0 /0,0
(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 0
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables: 0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 0
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 0
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 0

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WEIGH IN: I gained 3 LBS

WIth all my big words of being a health watcher, not a weight watcher, I know now I am liar. The weight gain hit hard, very hard. I am disillusioned, sad, angry, disgusted with myself, and so close to giving up. It all makes no difference. in the last 2 weeks, which have been 2 weeks of healthy eating, geared towards losing weight, but also 2 weeks of fitness, geared to losing weight I have actually managed to GAIN 4 lbs.

Chances are you will see me drop off for a while while I battle my biggest enemy, ME, and try to call upon my biggest hero, ME again. My way of dealing with ME is to close off, to close to door behind me and search my soul, fight my battles, lick my wounds and return as if nothing went on behind closed doors.

I'll be back!

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Breakfast
16,0 points
--------------------------------------
10,0 - 2 pieces of pizza
2,0 - rice
3,0 - half an avocado
1, 0 - mayo light
0,0 - mustard

Lunch
7,0 points
--------------------
3,0 - 1 ounce of ham
4,0 - 100 gr. cheese spread light

Diner
0,0 points
-------------------
0,0 - here
0,0 - here

Various
0,0 points
--------------------

489 W & 30 F days - Finding my stride!

Day maximum: 27,0 points
Bonuspoints used/saved/week's total saved: 8,5/0,0 /0,0
(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 4
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables: 0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 1
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 0
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

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Daily stats and health watching versus weight watching

Yesterday evening I felt fine, not tired, not aching, just fine. So I decided to go to the gym this morning as well. That will make 4 straight day in a row as I will be going tomorrow as well. I really like the excercise, the feeling it gives me. It is quite exhillarating.

This morning I signed on to view my blog and I found 5 comments on my post. It felt so good to see all your encouraging words. This was minutes before I left for the gym at 06:30 AM, and it really gave me a boost. And I was already feeling super. I am trying to let go of this weight loss notion, ie "I am not doing a good job if I do not lose weight", and keep on going on the route I am on now. I feel better, stronger, and I do notice body changes.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I will see what the flippin' scales say. But this is for all of you supporting me:

Daily total: 504 kcal
82 kcal: 15 minutes of cycling (HR 105)
160 kcal: 15 minutes of power walking (HR 115)
272 kcal: 20 minutes of cross training (HR 118)
5 minutes steam room
5 minutes sauna

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Breakfast
8,5 points
--------------------------------------
3,0 - 500 ml curd
3.0 - 3 tbs blue berry syrup
2,5 - 250 ml semi skinned milk

Lunch
0,0 points
--------------------
0,0 - here
0,0 - here

Diner
0,0 points
-------------------------------------
0,0 - here
0,0 - here

Various
0,0 points
------------------------
0,0 - 1 tangerine

488 WW & 29 F days, taking a different road

Day maximum: 27,0 points
Bonuspoints used/saved/week's total saved:33,0/0,0 /6,0
(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 5
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables: 0.5
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 2
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 2
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

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From cardio to fatburning

Yesterday the scales showed me I gained weight again. However going into the details of it, I lost 5 lbs of fat, and gained 7 lbs of muscle, So I have decided to purposely bring down my fitness efforts, aka my heartrate. I now do my excercises at fat burning level, anywhere between 114 and 121 H(eart)R(ate).

I am getting stronger, and I can actually manage 20 minutes on the cross trainer. And what is more about 3 times today a sort of euphoria hit me, my skin started to tingle, and it was like I sort of ........it is so hard to explain.........I sort of went beyond myself. It was the oddest sensation I have had so far. Nothing like just being happy, tired, content, relaxed. A sort of physical "high" may be?

180 kcal: 20 minutes of cycling
140 kcal: 20 minutes of power walking
250 kcal: 20 minutes of cross training
5 minutes steam room
5 minutes sauna

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Breakfast
8,0 points
--------------------------------------
3,0 - 500 ml low fat curd
2,0 - 2 tbs blue berry syrup
3,0 - sultana yofruit bar

Lunch
9,0 points
--------------------
5,0 - 6 crackers
4,0 - linera cheesespread

Diner
6,0 points
-------------------------------------
6,0 - sushi

Various
10,0 points
------------------------
0,0 - beauty juice (organic, guave, banana, lime, and cactus)
8,0 - 8 chocolates

485 WW & 26 F days

The crap mood lingers

You should have seen my this morning at the gym. I was not a fun person to be around. Oh I did my 50 minutes of excercise, but the palce was boiling hot, and it was hard to get in the swing of things. In the end I sort of hung around 125 HR, and burned about 350 kal.

My faith in what I am doing has sort of suffered.....I KNOW it is extremely good for me, I just don't believe it as much as I did befoe. It still bothers the heck out of me that I gained weight. On sunday I will see if I have again gained weight despite my gym efforts. Granted I know something IS happening. But it i just hard to sort of go past the weight GAIN thing and see the benefits of what I am doing. The scales have a power influence on me. More so then I ever thought.

Stamina:
I can walk better AND longer, and still have more than enough energy to get through a whole day

Skin:
My skin (face) has improved dramatically. No more dry flakes, only a few red spots here and there. Hardly any zits. My body skin is supple, strong and feels smooth and never tight.

My mood:
I am usually a very happy go lucky person, but the feel good hormone really buzzes within most of the time -grin- I go through the day genuinely happy.

My ego:
I have somthing to brag about! because I know there are people who do not do what I do! What I used to be a couch or deskchair potatoe. Also I have managed to make two of my best friends as enthousiastic as I am myself. They joined the gym as well!!

484 WW & 25 F days - Emotions and cursing

Day maximum: 27,0 points
Bonuspoints used/saved/week's total saved: 27,0/0,0 /4,0
(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 2
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables: 0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 2
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 0
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

------------------------------------

I am so ABSOFLIPPIN'BLOODYBLINKIN'LUTELY angry!

I stuck to my diet well enough, I worked out like an animal 4 times this week, and I GAINED...........read it - GAINED - 0.9 lb! Oh of course I think of a number of reasons why would not have lost as much weight as I wanted: chocolate peanuts, too much sushi, not enough water. But to gain weight, that really, really pisses me off. I was angry last night and I am still angry now.

Yesterday I was about to attack the lady behind the scales, suggesting I should write down the things I eat, and may be I am retaining water, or may be I am not eating enough! I told her I write down everything in a blog, but she keeps insisting I should write it down for her. -growls-

The only thing for it is just to keep going like a stupid senseless animal, and hope that next week I will have lost weight. My back hurts, my mood is shit, sooooooo watch out world I am ready to donate some of this anger on the first one who gets in my way.

Sidenote: I am extremely seldom like this, so don't worry. keep out of my hair and you'll be fine by tomorrow.

I copied this from http://www.cmha.ca/.

Dealing with your anger

It is important to deal with your anger before it causes you discomfort or pain. Studies have shown that anger can cause serious health problems such ulcers and heart disease. It can also make you behave in ways that could cause you to lose your job or friends, or result in the break-up of your marriage. There are some things you can do to deal with your anger as it happens. Other things you can do involve changing your way of approaching life by learning new attitudes and taking a number of practical actions.

Short-term solutions

Admit that you are angry. If you bottle up your angry feelings, they will not go away, and they will keep coming out over and over again, painfully.

Try not to over-react. Step back from the situation that is making you angry and ask yourself, "What would I think of someone else if I saw him/her getting angry in this situation?" or "Is this situation really as bad as I am making it out to be?"

Try to make yourself think about something else. Turn your attention to some pleasant memory rather than the line-up, traffic jam or whatever is irritating you.
Identify the source of your anger. If the actions or words of another person are hurting you, try to you deal with him/her directly in a peaceful and productive way.

Listen carefully to what others are saying to you, and let them finish without interruption. Very often, you will not understand the real message if you "jump in" after a few words. Give people a chance to explain themselves.

Ok, so now you know. Let me mull on all this and get back to you!

Well, I've done my thinking. Shed my anger. In the end it is a storm in a glass of water. So what have I been thinking. I cannot really point any fingers untill I know for suer it is not my food intake which is messing things up. So this week is going to be a text book week. All my water, vegetables and fruit, and especially my fat. Carbs and protein is usually not the problem. When I get home tonight I will do some planning for this week to make sure I don't stray.

Tonight I am going out to dine with Fred, my bestest friend in the whole wide world. Who by the by signed a very favorable contract today. WHOOPEE! As usual we will be going to have pizza, the decision I have now is this: do I eat all of the pizza and use some 14 points of the HUGE bulk of points I build up with my work outs (near 90 points a week), or do I fit in half a pizza? Do you people have any suggestions? I am .......at a loss.

HELP!

-----------------------------------

Breakfast
5,0 points
--------------------------------------
3,0 - 500 ml organic curd (low fat)
2,0 - 2tbs honey
0,0 - 2 kiwis
0,0 - 750 ml water

Lunch
8,5 points
--------------------
8,5 - chicken wrap
0,0 - mineral water
0,0 - 250 gr tomatoes (organic)

Diner
14,0 points
-------------------------------------
14,0 - pizza
0,0 - plain salad
0,0 - coca cola light

Various
0,0 points
------------------------
0,0 - here

483 WW & 24 F days, A lifetime job, this being healthy!

Day maximum: 27,0 points
Bonuspoints used/saved/week's total saved: 8,5/0,0 /86,0
(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 0
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables: 0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 2
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 1
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 0

------------------------------------

Weigh in today, fitness in the afternoon.

This keeping/getting healthy thing is keeping me busy, phew. You would think after a year and a half that thinks have gotten easier, more matter of fact. Some have.......like having enough fruit and vegetables. I am very much aware that food intake is not about AND, AND, AND, but about choices, not always wise ones, but choices none the less. You cannot have your cake AND eat it all.

But other things just will not "stick" This water thing for instance. There are times I feel like a camel. And I swear at times I feel like throwing up if I have one more drop of water. On the days that I fitness it is easy. I drink 2 liters of water just during my training alone. As for being/getting healthy, I cannot say I am loathing the work I put in it. I really I can't! But at the same time is does not mean I am constantly vigilant as to what I eat and do. It cannot be a 24 hour a day job. I do have other things to do! Like earn a living?

With my Fitness First pass I can go to any FF club in the world I want, and they have 500. This afternoon though I will go to the all ladies FF club accross from my usual haunt, just to have a look see. It looked a lot less busy when I cycled past last afternoon.

Soon I will be employing a personal trainer to help me be more effective in my training regime. But lets face it, I may not dislike my cardio work out, but I do want to lose my sweat as effectively as possible.

As for my weigh in results, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.............

------------------------------------

Breakfast
8,5 points
--------------------------------------
2,0 - 5 rye matzes
4,0 - cheesespread
2,5 - chocolate craquotte (light product)

Lunch
0,0 points
--------------------
0,0 - here
0,0 - here

Diner
0,0 points
-------------------------------------
0,0 - here
0,0 - here

Various
0,0 points
------------------------
0,0 - mixed fresh fruit

483 WW days & 23 F days I am a good girl, I am!

Day maximum: 27,0 points
Bonuspoints used/saved/week's total saved: 2,0/25,0 /82,0
(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 4
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables:1
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 1
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 2
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

------------------------------------

Morning has broken.........dumdedumdumdum....
*just imagine MICHAEL BUBLE and JOSH GROGAN as my grand backing vocals*

My orchids, pretty aren't they?

I am warning you you would not wish to hear me sing for real this time of the morning . Yesterday was a good day. I decided not to go to the gym in the morning as my back was really protesting. So instead I wenty after work at about 5:30 PM.

MAN OH MAN, it was BUSY! I was lucky to find a bicycle vacant. And like I said I was a good girl. I really made an effort. 15 minutes cycling, 15 minutes near running, 10 minutes cross training, and again 10 minutes cycling. All of them at 135-145 BPM, except for the last 10 minutes they were at 120 BPM. I felt so good cycling home. Mind you I did take my time in the steam room, the sauna and some relaxing reading afterwards. Most enjoyable.

While on my bicycle homewards I could not help thinking how much I enjoy working out. It is hard work, but there is an almost extatic joy that I AM doing it. I am trying to veer away from looking at the minutes; just get in a kind of trance like rythmn and keep going. That works fine with cycling and walking/running. However with the cross trainer it seems impossible. I need the chronometer to push myself one minute further, and one minute more..... and one more. Afterwards I feel especially satisfied, content and soooooooooooo relax.

Afterwards I went to visit Margreet, see how she was doing, had my low fat curd and honey at her place and cycled home an hour or so later. By then it was near 9 PM, and after some chat online (I have a close knit group of friends on MSN, yahoo, ICQ and the like) I fell in my bed. Eatwise I did good *grins* untill I stumbled on a left over bag of chocolate nuts, and had a few.

------------------------------------

Breakfast
5,0 points
--------------------------------------
0,0 - 2 kiwi's
3, 0 - 500 ml curd skimmed
2,0 - 2 tbs honey

Lunch
6,0 points
--------------------
6,0 - zarzuela & chicken

Diner
10,0 points
-------------------------------------
2,0 - 2 slices rye bread
1,0 - 4 slices of chicken
1,0 - 1 tbs mayo light
3,0 - 500 ml Curd 0% fat
2,0 - 2 tbs honey

Various
4,0 points
------------------------
4,0 - chocolate peanuts

482 WW days & 22 F days - Thought I had bailed? WRONG!

Day maximum: 27,0 points
Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 0,0/0,0

(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 3
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables:0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 0
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 1
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

------------------------------------

I AM STILL HERE AND I AM FAMOUS *waves like a loon*

It is official, I am famousssssssssssss. The website http://www.wltips.com/ requested an interview with me ages ago. I kept dragging my feet, making all kinds of excuses. But finally I sat down to it and wrote my "thang". I thought long and hard about who to put down near the botttom as inspirational sites/blogs. Eventually I choose Sayre, Nona, Joy and Spidey.

EXTRA, EXTRA, Read all about it.
Willow featured on WLTIPS.COM!!
READ IT - CLICK HERE

Want to see it, read it, bask in my famousicity, IF that is a word even?

*strikes and Emmy pose in my slinky sexy black lil thing, wips back my long blonde hair, smiles seductively at my audience, and recites my pre written address to the nation, with tears in my eyes*

First of all, I wish to thank my parents, for allowing me to get obese, the chocolate industry for sponsoring my efforts, my............no, wait......that is not it!

*smiles warmly in my multi colored cardigan and jeans, yellow striped sneakers.makes sure my short dark blond hair is less unruly, and acts more Willow like*

Seriously though, thanks all who posted to my fed up post a few days ago. Believe me it helped. One post actually made me teary eyed. The feeling still lingers, especially as I the scale tells me I have gained weight this week, and I have not really a clue how. But then what do these scales know?

On friday morning early I did go to fitness and worked out well, Margreet was there as well. A dear friend who signed up at the gym as well. Right now she needs lots of positive enforcement and support, so she is getting it from me. We laughed and worked ourselves into a sweat, then I logged her training gear and mine home, along with all the stuff from the Asia store. All the "stuff" to make sushi that is; much cheaper too. Nori is about 50% cheaper. sushi rice about 25% cheaper.

After dropping all the stuff off at home, starting a load of washing, boy fitness does create a lot of washing, I hopped on my bicycle again to do the rest of my shopping. All was in by mid day, and I actually got a little nap before leaving again. Had a lovely dinner date with a colleague discussed science, work, and more science. Then peddled home, meeting Margreet on the way. We talked for quite some time, while watching "The king and I", and finally went to bed.

Saturday was the day of my birthday party. I had prepared much, but not all. Margreet and I had a ball making sushi for 11 people. in the end we made 240 pieces of sushi, nori rolls and finger sushi. We decided that we should start a catering business making the sushi. It was actually pretty perfect. Al in all it took us some 2.5 hours to make them. We set the table, prepared the living room. I had bought two beautiful orchids to flank the sushi setting, side orders of emping, shrimp crackers, a simple salade, the customary soy sauce, chili sauce, ginger and wasabi.

I was cutting some cold meat for the evening snacks when people poured in. All 10 of them in15 minutes time. My living room was filled to capacity! My balcony was the designated smoking area. During the evening we discussed my impending kitchen project, which will be starting in october. A lot of discussions on gas supply and electrics, ceilings and floors being ripped out, in short I put on a brave face and pretended to share people's visions that we could make it work. *grins* I am a bit........apprehensive. Can you tell?

During the party I found out that Ali, the third Musketet (as in female Musketeer) in our little band - Margreet, Ali, and me- was also intending to sign up with the fitness school. So arrangements were made to go there sunday morning 11 AM, Pieter would join us, just to see if he liked it, and Valentine would do the same.

Well, all were there, except Valentine, he travelled home on sunday morning after having spent the night on my couch. Sunday morning all were there, though Pieter was a wee bit late. Ali signed up for a three months period, and we combined we lost about a bucket of sweat. We did have great fun. I joined the body balance group for the second time (did last sunday too), and actually had the idea I was doing a little bit better. My balance is crap, it really is. I need to work on that one. We ended our routine with 20 minutes cycling, and hit the steam room and the sauna, and walked out new women, tired but content. Pieter had by then left I am sure, and we met up with his mother to go watch the movie Mama Mia a third time at the cinema. I was home by 6 PM, and actually.............too pooped to pop. Can you imagine that?

This morning no fitness. I am going there this afternoon, my back is too weak. Body balance, a mix of Tai Chi, Pilates and Yoga has made quite an impression on it. So I am giving it most of the day to recuperate and will do my fitness tonight.

So, here it is my justification for not blogging. Think I got away with it?

Food wise I have not done bad. Sushi will not break the bank, and dinner on friday was tenderloin and risotto, starters was soup, and I did not have any dessert. Yesterday was hard work at the gm after a breakfast of 4 slices of bread with chicken and some with jam. My only major transgression was getting my nose into a bag of chocolate covered peanuts. Bad Willow, bad!!

The read out of the scales at the gym showed me I gained weight, but additionally also showed me a greater percentage in muscle tissue, and less in fat tissue. Perhaps that is the explanation for the weight gain? IF there actually is any. I also know I am retaining water as my period is coming up. Well, we'll see. I just know I am doing my best, and I feel like I am doing GOOD!
Sushi for lunch tomorrow I think! I have to think what to eat now, have not had any breakfast yet.

------------------------------------

Breakfast
0,0 points
--------------------------------------

Lunch
9,0 points
--------------------
4,0 - 4 crackers and cheesespread light
5,0 - 6 pieces of sushi

Diner
0,0 points
-------------------------------------
0,0 - here
0,0 - here

Various
3,0 points
------------------------
3,0 - ricepudding

478 WW days & 18 F days - FED UP, I am FED UP!

Day maximum: 28,0 points
Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 9,0/0,0

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved (including activity points) : 0,0/4,0
Day´s excercise - cycling &Fitness: 60 + 90 minutes Activity points: 4,0

(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 2
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables:0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 2
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 0
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 0

------------------------------------

I should be, but I am not content

WATCH OUT Willow ranting, feeling sorry for herself
Just close this window and look for my post tomorrow if you are not in the mood for it

Weigh in showed I lost 1.8 lbs, and I am not happy. I know I should be, and it is ungrateful not to be. But well it sort of hits me that if I lose 1.8 lbs a week, it will take another 61 weeks. *BIG SIGH*

FLIPPIN' SIXTY ONE WEEKS!!

That would make it 22 September 2009. Today it seems like there is no end to it. I am feeling low, blue, and dishearted. Does not mean I will not stop my efforts. not in the least. But today my enthousiasm is suffering.

If I take a look at the last 5 weeks, I lost 12.4 lbs, in that way it will be 45 weeks.

a little less flippin' forty one weeks

That would make it June 3, 2009. One day before my birthday. which is 2.7 lbs a week.

I know, I know I am getting number crazy. Nearly 500 days, and I today I am sort of fed up. Not with the adjustment in food or excercise, but just the whole package. I guess today more than any other in a long time I want to be like other people, other women. And I am going to say it, though I know people will react fiercely.........I want to be pretty! Yes pretty according to shallow stupid advertisement standards.

I want to be pretty, attractive, alluring, sexy, a vamp, a babe, a seductress,

Behind that remark is a whole world, wrapped in tears, self incriminations and heartache. The pain of a non rational woman, just a feeling woman. And in 99.9% of my days, hours, minutes, she does not show, well wrapped and hidden inside. BUT she is there and I am not going to spare you that part of me. Though I suspect some/most of you recognise that feeling.

Comments are welcome, but be kind, or I will hit back hard! -smiles wryly-

------------------------------------

Breakfast
4,5 points
--------------------------------------
2,0 - 4 craquottes
2,5 - cheesespread 10% fat

Lunch
4,5 points
--------------------
4,5 - sushi

Diner
0,0 points
-------------------------------------
0,0 - here
0,0 - here

Various
0,0 points
------------------------
0,0 - here

477 WW & 17 F days, weigh in

Day maximum: 28,0 points
Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 14,5/0,0

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved (including activity points) : 8,0/94,0
Day´s excercise - cycling &Fitness: 60 + 40 minutes Activity points: 15,0

(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 2
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables:0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 2
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 2
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

------------------------------------

One more week

the countdown is really on. Two and ahalf more weeks and I will be doing WW for a total of 500 days. That is 71 one odd weeks, but also some euro 560, estimating I will have lost 32 kg/72 lbs, that comes down to euro 17,5 a kg, or euro 7,80 a lbs.

To be honest that is not what I had in mind, but from november 2007 to july 2008 I have been doddling, dragging my heels, taking it easy, slacking. The visits to WW during this period served to NOT lat me slack more than I did, and to kep my focus forward. It took a while for me to get back on track again, but I never did veer far away. It was more a matter of alternating bad weeks with good weeks, resulting in the end in a 30 lbs/14 kg weightgain. I am still working to get rid of them; 18 lbs to go. In a way seeing this spelled out black on white is demotivating, or rather it makes me feel bad about myself.

BUT I will strive to get back to the 91 lbs weightloss and beyond that, no matter how bad it makes me feel to read what ground was lost. Up to now I told people I had gained "some "weight, but that is a cop out.

So onwards! On y va!

------------------------------------

Breakfast
6,0 points
--------------------------------------
5,0 - curd
1,0 - 1 tbs honey

Lunch
5,5 points
--------------------
2,5 - 5 cracottes
3,0 - cheese spread 10% fat

Diner
0,0 points
-------------------------------------
0,0 - here
0,0 - here

Various
0,0 points
------------------------
3,0 - elderberryflower juice

476 WW & 16 F days, a lazy day

Day maximum: 28,0 points
Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 15,0/0,0

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved (including activity points) : 8,0/79,0
Day´s excercise - cycling : 60 minutes Activity points: 4,0

(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 4
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables:0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 2
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 0
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

------------------------------------

Roleplay, and a lazy day

No fitness today, though I was tempted to go to the gym this morning. However one of my other hobbies has been suffering these past few week. Usually in the morning I roleplay on line, a sort of play acting on line. You create a character walk into a roleplayroom/chatroom, and act out an impromptu setting.

Always a creative narrative challenge, and when you have done it as long as I have you befriend people so there is some "out of character chat"as well. With the gym and all other things combined I am not as much in the room as I used to be. In fact I am seldom there. So this morning I did an hours worth of roleplay. Mind you 95% of the people are American, so most of the serious roleplay is done when I am snug as a bug in a rug in my bed.

My latetst creation, now about 8 months old is Ana., a bedouine girl, married to a man she likes at best, but who usually scares, baffles, annoys and intimidates her. He rules the land of Baash, and is an amazing character. All this is fun to play as long as people remember it is puppets we play, and NOT ourselves!

The day after yesterday

I am still a wee bit numb, or not there. It is not really the effect of Willemijne being gone. That will probably take a bit longer to sink in, but more the very surreal episode of Pet Rescue which was played out in my house. Only in this case the pet did not survive. The image of an highly emeciated dead cat, who happened to be my beloved Willemijne is still very visible in my mind. I wonder if I could have done more?

------------------------------------

Breakfast
4,0 points
--------------------------------------
3,0 - 300 ml curd
1,0 - 1 tbs honey

Lunch
0,0 points
--------------------
11,0 - sushi

Diner
0,0 points
-------------------------------------
0,0 - here
0,0 - here

Various
0,0 points
------------------------
4,0 - 4 cookies, organic orange hazelnut

475 WW days & 15 F days

Day maximum: 27,0 points
Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 0,0/0,0

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved (including activity points) : 8,0/75
Day´s excercise - cycling &Fitness: 60 + 30 minutes Activity points: 16,0

REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 4
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables:0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 0
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 0
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

------------------------------------

A moment to remember Willemijne

This morning I found my little feline girl unable to lift her head, unable to eat and she was so very tired, so weak. I phoned the vet, and they said drop her by and we will keep an eye on her. She never made it that far. She died while in the carry all, on my way to the vet. When I walked in I had trouble controlling my sadness.

The vet looked at her, examined her and confirmed her heart had stopped. I caressed her for a very short time, and then left her there. She was, like I posted yesterday, a cat who lived her own quiet life, and yet she could not survive on her own. A kind of love hate relation ship with human beings in general. Sometimes she would crawl underneath the covers with me and lay in the hollow at the small at my back, snuggling close. But she did not wish me to pet her. Just leave her alone and she would fall asleep with me. That was about once every two months.

She would be there when food was issued, and sometimes walked in the room when I had guests, but usually she just stayed in the side room, the large drawer of the cupboard her domain. That is where I found her this morning. She was barely alive, barely responded.

The one concellation I have is that she spent her last day, her last night at home. She did not die outside and alone. The strange thing is, her brother Boudewijn never missed her one moment in the past 5 weeks. I did, and now I will have to miss her completely, my grumpy little cat girl.

Willemijne

------------------------------------

Breakfast
5,0 points
--------------------------------------
3,0 - 500 ml curd
2,0 - 2 tbs honey

Lunch
9,0 points
--------------------
9,0 - 3 packages Sultana

Diner
0,0 points
-------------------------------------
0,0 - here
0,0 - here

Various
0,0 points
------------------------
0,0 - here

474 WW days & 14 F days - Film review: Get Smart!

Day maximum: 27,0 points
Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 22,0/4,0

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved (including activity points) : 8,0/75,0
Day´s excercise - cycling &Fitness: 60 + 120 minutes Activity points: 40,0

(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 6
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables:2
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 2
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 2
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 3

------------------------------------

My cat Willemijne
Willemijne and her brother Boudewijn came to live with me some 10 years ago. And now she has been missing for the last 5 to 6 weeks. She must have jumped off the balcony; that or fell off. She is a shy cat, very shy. Not very good with people at all. Even with me she seldom "fraternises". I have spread pamflets around, but she never showed. I just know it was because she is just to scared of people. She will never show herself when there is any one around. I have soent

She was found today! A neighbour called me that he had found her in his garden. She is in a hoorible state. Totally emeciated. I put her on a small cushion, gave her some fish and water. She drank the water, so I am a little more at ease. But the poor thing can hardly walk, she is just too weak. In a way I feel so guilty, not having looked harder. I will keep you all posted.

Get Smart; movie review.

I liked it, though admittedly the jokes were old, and easy to predict. Don't expect any big scenario surprises, or brilliant acting worth an oscar. But having said that, it is a fun movie, worth watching with a bag of popcorn in one hand and . Worth watching twice? Actually yes, but that may have been te resulot of the fact that I had to go to the bathroom mid movie. Though I did not miss much so I summised from the movie as I sat back down again.

As for a grade? I would say a 7.5, but only WITH popcorn.

Now as for my sunday? I took a friend to the gym, introduced her to the "toment"of sweat and moving your muscles with resistance set to high. In the end she decided to sign a year's contract with the Gyn, A bold decision, I signed up for three months. It will give me chance to see if I can put my intentions where my mouth is. To see if I can keep the 4 times a week routine up . so far so good. I weighed today on the scales they have there, and ewill do so every sunday. It means I will have a have abenchmark every sunday (gym) and wednesday (weight watchers).

My clothes show me that something is happening, even if I do not stand on the scales. They fit better. The one pair of heans I own are loose round the calves by now, which was not the case about 2 weeks ago. I am really looking forward to wednesday.

OH yes, and as for yestreday and my food intake. I played Catan at Jannie's and Gerard's. I did win 3 times, Jannie ccoked very light. I was the one who brough chocolate truffels for the occasion though. Had some crackers and cheese in the evening. All in all I will add 8 extra points needed to my tally.

------------------------------------

Breakfast
4,0 points
--------------------------------------
2,0 - z slices rye bread
0,5 - 2 slices of chicken
1,0 - 1 tbs applesyrup
0,5 - margarine (low fat)

Lunch
6,0 points
--------------------
3,0 - 500 ml curd
3,0 - 3 tbs honey

Diner
7,0 points
-------------------------------------
2,0 - risotto
2,0 - 1 tbs olive oil
3,0 - fish fried in pan
0,0 - 3 tomatoes

Various
5,0 points
------------------------
5,0 - 1,5 slices carrotcake with chocolate

472 WW days & 12 F days - Movie Friday - GET SMART!

Day maximum: 27,0 points
Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 0,0/0,0

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved (including activity points) : 0,0/35,0
Day´s excercise - cycling & Fitness: 80 + 60 minutes Activity points: 27,0

(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 6
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables:0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 0
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 0
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

------------------------------------

Why does it feel different from day to day?

Fitness was hard this morning. Not too hard, but hard. And I am glad I have a day to recuperate. My muscles are very "present". I think it may have to do with the fact that I am much more serious about how hard I drive myself. I am now on a routine of 10 mins cycling, 10 minutes tredmill, 13 minutes cross trainer, which includes the cool down. And please bear in mind I log about 300+ lbs with me while I do *grin*

Today I managed to get my HR to 135 on all three. It proved to difficult to go to the full 141. I had to push myself too hard to get to 141. So I just accepted the fact that it was less effective today. BUT, I still feel DARN good to be doing this, and sticking to it.

Yesterday I used dramatically too little points, and it was not even on purpose. I used only 27out of 27 points. I just did not pay attention. Will have to keep an eye on that. I used no added fat at all. And as we all know breaking down body fat required essential ingredients found in FAT! One day of less point cannot be a problem, and I think it is defenitely a one off occasion.

GET SMART!

Not saying you are not! But today is movie friday, so we are eating out. Fish on the menu, and french fries. So I will keep my lunch down to a minimum. This afternoon some vegetables for certain as I think there won't be much of that on my plate. As for movies "Get smart" is on the menu. A good helping of Steve Carell, a side order of Anne Hathaway, and a dash of Dwayne Johnson. I have been looking forward to that for some time. It has been advertaised for months! I am usually not one for these kinds of movies, but what I saw I know I liked very much.

Get smart was a tv series which was aired between 1965 and 1970. I never saw it, I was only a toddler then, not even in school yet! The offical synopsis of the film is this:

"In the all-new action comedy “Get Smart,” Maxwell Smart (Steve Carell) is on a mission to thwart the latest plot for world domination by the evil crime syndicate known as KAOS. When the headquarters of U.S. spy agency Control is attacked and the identities of its agents compromised, the Chief (Alan Arkin) has no choice but to promote his ever-eager analyst Maxwell Smart, who has always dreamt of working in the field alongside stalwart superstar Agent 23 (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson). Smart is partnered instead with the only other agent whose identity has not been compromised: the lovely-but-lethal veteran Agent 99 (Anne Hathaway). As Smart and 99 get closer to unraveling KAOS’ master plan—and each other—they discover that key KAOS operative Siegfried (Terence Stamp) and his sidekick Shtarker (Kenneth Davitian) are scheming to cash in with their network of terror. Given little field experience and even less time, Smart—armed with nothing but a few spy-tech gadgets and his unbridled enthusiasm—must defeat KAOS if he is to save the day."

Get Smart official website - opens a new window

old tv series

movie 2008

I will report back tomorrow on what I really thought of it! Tune in again tomorrow!

------------------------------------

Breakfast
5,0 points
--------------------------------------
3,0 - 500 gr. Curd
2,0 - 2 tbs honey

Lunch
0,0 points
--------------------
0,0 - LARGE gurkin
2,0 - 250 gr. curd
1,0 - 1 tbs honey

Diner
0,0 points
-------------------------------------
0,0 - here
0,0 - here

Various
0,0 points
------------------------
0,0 - here

471 WW days & 11 F days - Weigh in week 67 Officially back on track!

Day maximum: 28,0 points
Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 17,0/4,0

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved (including activity points) : 0,0/8,0
Day´s excercise - cycling : 60 minutes Activity points: 4,0

(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 6
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables:3
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 2
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 0
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

Too little fat used, too little points used!

-----------------------------------

Curious about me week results?


This week I LOST 4.9 lbs/2.2 kg! I am very proud of myself and I think I can safely say I have broken the upward trend. The last four weeks I have lost 10.4 lbs/4.8 kg. as follows:

67. 4.9 lbs/2.2 kg loss
66. 2.6 lbs/1.2 kg loss
65. 0.9 lbs/0.4 kg GAIN
64. 3.9 lbs/1.8 kg loss

This morning I got into a very interesting discussion with the girl at check 0ut counter at the EKO Plaza ( I get my biological breakfast there). She was curious about my fitness programme - I get 5% discount when I show my membership card-, and I explained to her that I go 4 times a week. She was impressed, which always makes me feel so.......proud. She explained how she has always been underweight, and struggled with it too.

We discussed, it was early and no one in the shop, what we felt was behind it. She talked about periods of starvation because she needed security, protection. We did not discuss how starving herself would get her that. But it struck me that being underweight is just as big a problem as being overweight. Perhaps even worse. Because people only start to comment when it gets to anorexic proportions. Antything above that is "nice and slender" or even petite. And on top of that it is easier to hide in baggy clothes.

And how do you add the pounds? Start drinking cream, gobbling down donuts and bags and bags of fried foods? I don't think so! In fact I think it is just as hard even. These people are so geared to eating less, too little, that eating more, more fat, mure sugar is naturally repulsive to them. Anyways, it was an interesting conversation, and I must say a very nice woman to talk to.

It did make me think about my own need to eat. Do I actually binge, and if I do so, do I emotively eat? Well, I seldom binge; though I still catch my self at emotional eating. And sometimes because I have just eaten a whole bar of chocolate to console myself, reward myself, give me confidence, I think what the heck I might as well have another, or have fried food in the evening. One "slip up"is like a carte blanche for a whole day of slip ups. I don't think that constitutes as a true binge, does it?

BUT, I was and am an emotional eater. I eat when I am happy (PARTY!), when I am sad (WOE IS ME!), lonely (NOBODY LOVES ME!), angry (WHAT THE F&%*$K!), victory (REWARD TIME!). Actually any emotion will do. In the past 15 months I have at least started to recognise the emotions and my reactions to them. I have even atrtempted and succeeded in harnassing them at times.

My pandora bracelet, to the loyal readers a recurring important feature, is my rewards system.

Quote from my blogpost on 26 june 2007

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Weight Loss Resolutions
1. every 3,5 kilo; a silver charm
2. every 8 kilo; a gold and silver charm
3. every hour on my hometrainer; a spacer, hour can build up in several days, a day of rest, I start from scratch
4. at 40 kilo; a new bracelet or necklace

**********************************************************************************

I have by now added a 2nd bracelet, and have 22 charms (and 10 more for birthdays and the like occasions) and 17 spacers. At the moment I am on hold with the charms as I gained weight in the past months. When I reach 288.4 lbs/130.8 kg, I am back on schedule. THEN I will award myself one golden charm, as it will have been ONE hard struggle, as in 22.5 lbs/10.8 kg to go!
I just realised, it means that the past 6 or 7 odd months have been a 35 lbs/16.5 kg struggle. A shame to see how much weight I gained during that time. And I was still really trying! I never really quit going to the meetings, though I did sneak off once or twice.

Short time goal set

Target: 299.8/136 kg
When: friday 12 september 2008 (wednesday 10 september 2008)
Why 1: 500 days of WW
Why 2: 3rd 10% target made
How: 11 lbs/5 kg -> 2.8 lbs/1.3 kg a week

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Breakfast
5,0 points
--------------------------------------
3,0 - curd low fat (organic)
2,0 - honey
0,0 - blue berries (organic)

Lunch
3,0 points
--------------------
0,0 - tomatoes (organic)
3,0 - cracker with tomato cheese cream
3,0 - Panini - organic brown bread
2,0 - Cheese spread with hot peppers

Diner
6,0 points
-------------------------------------
2,0 - basmati rice
3,0 - fish from the gril
0,0 - Peppers
1,0 - sweet sour sauce

Various
3,0 points
------------------------
3,0 - baconcrackers

470 days - peaceful day, personal challenges met

Day maximum: 28,0 points
Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 40,0/12,0

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved (including activity points) : 29,0/102,0
Day´s excercise - Cycling (heavy) &Fitness: 120 + 90 minutes Activity points: 30,0

(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 2
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables:0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 2
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 2
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

------------------------------------

Peace...........like zen...........so restful

It rained this morning, so I stayed indoors about 20 minutes longer before I went to the Gym. My programme, about an hour and 15 mins in total was like this:

Warming up 10 min (resulting in 4.5 mins at HR 141)
Tredmill 10 mins at HR 141
Cross trainer 10 mins at HR 145, 3 mins cool down to HR 114
Steam room, shower, dress, blow dry hair

As I was running late I did not do my usual muscle training, but I was extremely content with the cross trainer excercise. It is a heavy training for me, involving most major muscle groups. And where I started with an akward 3 minutes last wednesday I am now up to 10 mins at full speed. To this end I put some work out music on my telephone and pumped away. I know I have to he careful as it is a strain on my knees. But so far so good.

I also tried the skating trainer, but I have to admit I do not like it, defenitely not Willow material. The sideways motion is quite a strain on my knees, and I found I have problems getting the coordination of it down. So I sort of stumbled along like a drunk snail and stopped after 2 mins. I don't like it one bit, uh, uh! Reminds my why I am so crap at skating! On friday I will try the rowing machine, and I am curious about that on. I have an idea I may like that one.

As I left I bought some low fat curd at the bio shop, including two kiwis and enjoyed them both when I arrived at the office. I have a wonderfully peaceful feeling, I feel really good. My facial skin is improving by leaps and bounds. I would think it feels tight and dry from the sauna and steam room, but it is definitely NOT the case. In fact my facial skin feels relaxed, smooth and soft.

I have to say the benefits of fitness are more than losing weight. So much more! Tonight is weighing night and movie night. So I will be busy, busy, busy. Work will be quiet for a few more days, so I will enjoy it as long as it lasts.

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Breakfast
6,0 points
--------------------------------------
3,0 - curd 0% fat
3,0 - 3 cs honey

Lunch
11,0 points
--------------------
3,0 - 500 ml curd low fat
2,0 - 2 cs honey
6,0 - 2 wasa crackers

Diner
5,0 points (Movie time)
-------------------------------------
5,0 - hot & spicey crackers

Various
18,0 points
------------------------
4,0 - popcorn
3,0 - ballisto
11,0 - chcolate bisquits

469 days - Lots and lots of sleep

Day maximum: 28,0 points
Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 42,0/14,0

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved (including activity points) : 17,0/72,0
Day´s excercise - cycling &Fitness: 60 + 90 minutes Activity points: 0,0

(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 6
REQUIRED 3) vegetables:0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 2
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 2
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

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Waiting for .........tomorrow!

Yesterday I had a huge sugar craving in the evening and I guess I could have controlled it. But the point is I did not. I did not have any sugary items in the house, except for some cake decorations shaped like jungle animals. I ate them all, and they were gone in.............3 minutes! BAD willow, really bad Willow.

It did not damage my diet as I have so many excercise points saved up, and my day was a splendid day in all other ways. Although I could have had more vegetables I think. But as for "no added sugar", well that went out the window yesterday: ROYALLY!

But today is a new day, and I am doing well. My colleague just planted some birthday treats in front of me, so I will have a look as to what is wisest, a muffin or a slice of creamcake. Will report! Well, I choose the muffin, and calculated 5 points or it. Means my treat for the day has been and gone, and is now safely inside my stomach.

Well, many more treats followed, and my dinner has gone done in the shape of some cheese and ham bisquits. I can sense I am sort of trading off. "Well since you have done such a good job the rest of the week this won't matter much". How easy it is to fool yourself!

So? What does it al mean?

I have had people comment on the top part of my blogs/ Anywhere from "I just don't get it" to "I never read it". So for their benefit and anyone else who wants to read it, here goes:

Day maximum: 28,0 points

"Day Maximimum": Based on your weight, gender, age, and activity level during the day weightwatchers calculates a number of points to be used daily maximising you weightloss. As I lose weight this number drops about point every 10 kg/ 22 lbs.

Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 0,0/0,0

"Day's bonus points used": This line is like a status report, how many points have I used during the day.
"Day's bonus points saved": At the end of the day I am allow to save 4 points to cover any big splurges on other days.

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved (including activity points) : 0,0/0,0

"Week´s Bonuspoints needed": this tracks the points I may have used to much during the week. It should at the end of the week ALWAYS be less than the points saved.
"Week´s Bonuspoints saved": this shows how many points I have saved during the week, and will cover the extra points used during the week. This number includes the points I have gained by doing exercise. NOTE: though you can use the points you have accumulated through exercising it is not advised. Now and then I "nibble"at them, but usually don't use them.

Day´s excercise - cycling &Fitness: 60 + 90 minutes Activity points: 0,0

"Day´s excercise": Here I record all points gained by excercising. I hardly ever use them, though at times when I am really hungry after excercise I do allow myself an energy bar, a currant bun or something like it. As my metabolism is at a high they will most probably burn up immediately. Weightwatchers has a handy table to calculate these points.

(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 0
(REQUIRED 3) vegetables:0
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 0
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 0
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 0

Weight Watchers goes from the premises that losing weight needs to be done HEALTHY, but also that after a person has reached their target weight that they should be equipped enough to be able to eat normal portions again without going ballistic on food denied while they were dieting.

It means that Weight Watchers does not ban any kind of food. WWers can eat anything, but our diet must contain 6 large glasses of fluid, preferably water ; 3 large handfulls of vegetables (300 grams); 2 pieces of fruit (small handfull), 2 tablespoons of fat (butter, oil, mayonaise etc.); 500 ml of non/ low fat calcium product (milk, yoghurt, curd, cheese etc.).

Each food item I eat has a points value, add them all up and make sure you stay on your daily maximum. It is a lot of counting at first but after 469 days I know most items by heart!

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Breakfast
8,5 points
--------------------------------------
2,0 - 2 slices of rye bread
1,0 - 2 cs margerine light
1,0 - 4 slices of chicken
2,5 - 250 gr. curd (0% fat) - not my own brand...a bit yeagh!
2,0 - 2 tbs honey

Lunch
4,5 points
--------------------
2,5 - 250 gr. curd (0% fat)
2,0 - tbs honey
0,0 - 2 kiwis

Diner
24,0 points
-------------------------------------
24,0 - cheese onion crackers

Various
5,0 points
------------------------
5,0 - Muffin

468 days - Olympics while I sweat

Day maximum: 28,0 points
Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 31,0/0,0

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved (including activity points) : 3,0/72,0
Day´s excercise - cycling &Fitness: 60 + 60 minutes Activity points: 26,0
Sunday´s excercise - cycling &Fitness: 40 + 60 minutes Activity points: 15,0

(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 6
REQUIRED 3) vegetables:2
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 2
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 2
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

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Another week starts and I feel GRAND

I kno, I know, I know. I did not blog yesterday, for the simple reason that I was way to busy. Fitness in the morning went well. Then I had lunch at George's . Goerge is the cook to the American Ambassador in The Netherlands, so lunch at his place is a treat. Then home at 4 PM as I had a guest for dinner. I made sushi, and a salad with sweet red pepper, cumcumber ricewhine and chili peppers.

Fitness yesterday was not as active as I had hoped but for some reason my muscles ached and were tired, more so than usual. The "muscle"machines were claimed by a horde of body builders, so I decided not to make a fool of myself by doing my 'thang' there. To be honest I just did not have the gumption to do it.

So I attacked the cross trainer, the bicycle and the tredmill. I am now on 5 mins cardio training for the cross trainer which is quite an achievement. I have to admit that I can see how it can be very addictive, once you get the right rythm going, preferably to music that makes you "jam" you can really keep going. I will be doing some serious music downloading on my creative. Because I want to crank up the time to 10 minutes, and I think some music will do the trick.

I have noticed that getting my heartbeat up to 141 optimum for cardio is hard work. I can get it up to 130 with some good old fashioned legwork after about 5 mins, but the last 10 is HARD work, real hard. But I manage usually after about 8 minutes, and keep it up for about 2 minutes. yesterday and today I got on the tread mill and did 10 minutes at a good pace. It is a near run, but I keep myself from running, because I know the impact on my knees is just going to be too big. For now I stick to low impact, and will be for some time to come. I want to wait to do that untill I am under 110 kg/242 lbs.

On wednesday I may go swimming, 30 minutes or so. Have not done that yet. Eventhough I love swimming! we'll see. Today I can feel my lower back, and the tops of my hips. Today I did muscle training for my upper body. Tomorrow I will be working on my lower body, legs, stomach, hips. I have noticed a drastic difference in my facial skin. I think due to the steam room and the sauna my skin is cleaner, less infammated and has a peach like feel to it.

Basically we are talking Fitess and Wellnessin one package. I am feeling FITter, not fit yet, and very WELL. So it works. Additionally it really keeps me on the straight and narrow food wise. When I go back to my bicycle I go one extra foor down to huge health store super market, everything there is organic, and I get my cud for the morning, and if I feel like it some juice as well. Yesterday I had elderberry juice, but found out after I drank it, it had added honey to it. I am really trying to cut out added sugars. And that also includes added honey. Even if it is organic!

This week is a 5 x 8 hour week. Which is easier on my schedule. Means I can leave at 5:15 PM today. I will have a kip when I get back! Have a nice day today! Enjoy it!

Oh yes, and I had a go at the scales they have at the gym. BAD move, very bad move. I was not fazed by the weight it indicated, because it actually means I have lost weight. But it tells me my body fat mass as well..................62%! -grins- I really am a tub of lard! BUT the good thing is it will go down, so it will only get better!

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Breakfast
6,0 points
---------------------
3,0 - ml curd 0 % fat
3,0 - 3tbs honey

Lunch
8,0 points
--------------------
2,0 - 200 ml cranberry juice
6,0 - 2 slices biological carrotcake

Diner
5,0 points
--------------------
3,0 - salmon
0,0 - salad, cucumber, peppers
2,0 - mayonaise

Various
12,0 points
--------------------
6,0 - eierkoek (dutch pastry like object, made with eggs)
6, 0 some sort of sugar thingies (BAD, BAD WILLOW)