I feel like a person lost in a strange land. I am in that place where I feel ike I am blind, quite alone and dismal. I am on a little by road which is hard to traverse, uneven, muddy and wholly unpleasant to be on. So from time to time I rush into the many places alongside it which offer consollation for the weary traveller, and buy masses of comfort food. Which I find I try to eat all at once, in that moment finding solace. Only to feel worse once I have eaten the lot.
I have not blogged in a while, and what I had dreaded, the end of the year blues, slump, detour, horror, has indeed happened to me. I am struggling to get out again. I have gained so much weight again that it is ridiculous. I now weigh 146.3 kg/322.6 lbs
For weeks I have been avoiding the numbers. Seeing them printed is not a good thing, but at least gives me a place to start again. Having said that, I still am 25.9kg/57 lb less than I was when I started in may 2007. This blog post is a way to rearrange my thoughts, get past this feeling of being a total failure, and accept that I am just human and not some kind of "weight"machine, faulty or non faulty.
A way to set out the parameters again, to regain my drive, my will power, my UMPF!
1. Go to the gym every morning -a total of 5 times minimum-
- go in the morning, or else my work will make it impossible to go, afternoons just don't work out -
- at least twice power training, twice cardio training, all else is optional.
2. eat healthy
3. drink 2 liters of water a day, eat fruit
4. write down all points, active points
5. cut down on sugary stuff.
6. get at least 6 hrs of sleep, 8 is better (weekend are good to get 8 hrs of sleep)
7. do my shopping in time, so I never have an excuse to stray
8. plan my meals for the day
9. when at home cook every evening
BUT MOST OF ALL:
10. be positive, be positive, be positive, be positive
This monring I have slept 6 hrs, just finished my porridge, worth 8 points, have water beside me, and finished two satsuma's munching on an apple.
I was reading my last post before this one. The lat lines and thatb was some 4 months ago were : I AM SO incredibly, unbelievably, undeniably HAPPY. Does that mean I am unhappy now. No, it does not. My job is going well, my friends, my family all is going well. Let;s just say I am disatisfied, slightly disappointed, and find it hard to call out for help. In these momenst I find I cannot reach out and accept help. SO once again I make it hard on myself and force myself to do it all alone.
Weird, isn't it. Well, it is not completely true, I did share all of this with one person. Tears, self incriminations. I talked about it with best friends, my WW coach, and decided posting here is step one. From ther on off it will be all uphill and going strong again.
I WANT TO