962 WW & 506 FF - Let us snow, let it snow, let it snow!

It has been 49 days ago......ergo, I blog very infrequent. I am aware of it. And yet in my lif nowadays I blog when I feel like it, when I need to, when I wish to share something. It is still part of my routine to reach a healthier weight, but moreso than that it starts to be a way of telling you about my life. Because every single day it amazes me how it changes, has changed.

For instance thursday last. I had a day off. SO I left at 9 AM for the gym. Did one hour of swimming, which included 16 laps of breast crawl, with no stopping in between, just turning. I have been building up stamina to do so gradually. 2 months ago I only did breast stroke, then I started to alternate. And have been building it up ever since. The result is that I can do 16 laps of breast crawl within the fat burning zone. My heart beat is around 117 bpm. And afterwards I am nice and tired, but not too beat to cyccle home for 30 minutes. 2.5 years ago walking for 20 minutes was so tiring I had to rest afterwards.

Granted, walking still is not my favorite excercise, I like cycling better. But I have started to walk on the tredmill for 30 minutes or so about 3 times a week, so I am working on that as well. Am now up to 3.5 miles an hour, sometimes with am maximum incline. I sneak in a 60 to 90 second jog now and then, eventhough my personal trainer says I should not. My knees will suffer if I do it too much. Still too much weight on them. Next year when the weight is down even more I wish to have this talk out with her again, as I really would like to jog, or try to jog.

I was reminising, thinking about what was, what has changed, but additionally also where I want to go. I am as of today officially midway.

Goals:

Weigh less than 130 kg/286.6 lbs by christmas 2009
That means that I have to shed 6.4 lbs since my last weigh in on 16th december! A challenge, especially in this christmas season. But I won't back away from this challenge.
Make it below 40 BMI
As of last week I have a BMI of 39.7. I am now no longer Morbidly obese! That is a BIG milestone for me. -grins- Pardon the pun! I lost 12 BMI points.

Bench mark 4. 277.7 lbs - 126.0 kg
No time set then, but now I will! January 31st 2010

Yesterday I was also informed that my security screening for my new job has been cleared. Good news! After 2 months I can honestly say, it is hard work, but challenging, and very interesting to see politics and the way a country is governed this close up. It has been the reason I have been blogging less and less. I will try and blog more frequent. I expect as days, weeks, months pass it will be easier to juggle all balls I am trying to keep up in the air more easily: work, fitness, social enjoyment/obligations, blogging, roleplay and sleep. The past two months I noticed some have been suffering, especially sleep, blogging and even my fitness routine...........AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I best blog this now. I am at a friends place, getting stuck in the middle of my country, with no plausible way to get home. There is a HUGE blizzard which has been raging the country for a day and a half now. Will blog again soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon.

PS: it is now monday evening 9 PM, after 5 hours of travelling I made it home. Thank God. But I do believe that the window of opportunity to travel home was a small one.; fortunately I made it. My own luscious warm home feels so good. A very special thanks to MARK, my saviour, my wonderful friend who offered me a place to stay when I thought I had no place to go but sleep on a cold drafty rail way station along with hundreds of other people. Instead I slept in a warm bed, feeling safe and secure.

Me in the snow

Just before my attempt today to get home!

Boy, was I glad I decided to put on boots and socks, I NEVER wear socks,

when I travelled to a friend on Saturday!

My feet are still defrosting as I write......

------- * * * * -------

Impressions of a snow covered Netherlands

public transport came to an all out grinding halt on sunday 20th,

and most of monday 21st

trains could not go because of frozen tracks

Trams had trouble with the snow drifts and snow covered tracks


The roads were impossible to travel for anyone with half a intelligent mind,

it was too dangerous

And cycling was...........hazardous to say the least

The famous Kinderdijk, covered in snow

904 WW & 464 FF - Happy, just happy

Something to share....

This morning I went to fitness, did my usual, an hour of good clean work out, Nothing too strenuous, nothing too special. I worked up some decent sweat, sat in the steamroom, always a treat to my skin. Then showering, using my usual body oils, perfume, little make up, dressed casual, a jeans skirt, white t-shirt, tartan print tennis shoes. I took care of some small things afterwards, which meant I had to cycle to some places. Autumn was all around me, her cold crisp golden colored promises heavy in the air. Now and then a droplet of forboding rain grazed my face. I cycled home, the whole proces took about three hours in total, I left at 9 AM, and came home some time after midday.

As I was close to my home, listening to celtic music on my MP3 player, it suddenly hit me like a tidal wave, strong, vibrant, like vivid colors all round me, in me, with me, causing my skin tingle, my face supporting a the smile bright, brilliant, a smile I could not stop, it had to escape, show itself, fed by my heart, my soul. There, then, with the wind in my face, my feet and legs working to take me home, moving the pedals of my bicycle, for no special reason, not one special reason, I was happier than I have ever been in my life.

I marked the time on my watch: at 12.38, November 1, 2009 I realised I was truly a happy, healthy, fortunate woman. And as I felt that way I extended that feeling, and as I did I realised that within the cosmos there is this small speck of a sphere which we call Earth, enveloped in a layer of gasses, which we call air. On it there is an abundance of creatures, both flaura and fauna, which try to co exist, and one of the species is mankind, and one of that species is me. And I was, am truly, deeply, unrefutebly HAPPY.

And so this blog is not just, or only about losing weight. It is about me, my journey to grow, and excell, to be more, better, stronger than I was. And the miracle is, that I AM. And that I am the one doing it, I am the one facilitating my own happiness. My choices, my efforts, my emotions.

I AM SO incredibly, unbelievably, undeniably HAPPY

885 WW & 435 FF - A weekend without..........

Saturday 3rd October, a day without going to the gym! Yes, they DO exist! And I feel just a smidge guilty. I spent some quality time talking to a friend on the phone, and then just......decided not to go. I have a dinner guest this afternoon. Still have to pick the menu, and clean up my house just a tad. It is not that bad.

Main focus will be shopping and cooking. Oh yes, and putting light bulbs in the lighting of my room. ALL are broken, and so no electric light. Not that I use much of it anyways. I just adore candles (puts them on my list).

This weekend will be a slow all about me weekend. The week has been hectic, manic, and fantastic. New job, lots of people I talked to. Planned a short trip to Ireland, where I will meet my brother and his wife, a very dear friend and some one I know on line, and we will have coffee and meet face to face. That will be nice.

I try to do that more and more; change on line contacts/friends into full fledged contacts and friends. It is a great pleasure usually. Been trying to find an old friend who I used to know when she lived in Amsterdam. So if any one know Gini Visser, by all means contact me! Been trying to find the lady for some years now.

OK, what else.............? Well, nothing really. Oh yes, will have to buy a card for my weightwatchers coach and my nephew. The first has a neck hernia, the second a birthday (adds that to the list as well)

Sunday 4th October, ANOTHER day without gym? HELP! -grins- I am doing just grand, though I celebrated my new job with white port, chocolate and some male attention (....... *fill in the dots yourself*). I saw my guest off at a little after Mid day and then went floating with a friend.

Floating, to just float, seemingly weightless in salt water basin of your own; a small cabin where the temperature is equal to your body temp, there is no light, and far as possible, no sound. Just your own heart beat and breathing. It has been a year ago since the last time I did it. Did it feel different. Not really, but for one thing, I was too active to stay in the water longer than 25 minutes, so the remainder of the session I had a royal POWER shower, and waited for Fred. It was his first time floating. But as he said "not for him". He finds it impossible to relax enough. Now granted if he would wish to, he could learn to relax like that. But he does not want to.

We had coffee at my place, and when he left I did my own thing until I went to bed. Oh yes, I tried some zumba moves, still having trouble with the que ve meuve, or whatever it is called. I am fine with the diamond step, and the meringue march though!

Went to bed early, and when ~I woke I decided to wear my brand new chocolate brown suit. Me in a suit - power dressed for the occasion. I had to shorten the trousers and will have to take in the waist at the back just a little. My derriere is not big enough any more. And as such I note that I am disproportionally shaped; to accommodate my belly and stomach I need 1 or 2 sizes bigger in trousers. However there is too much material which lovingly encases my arse! That or it is too small! Same with jackets, when they fit around my waist, I do not have enough chest material to fill up the rest of the jacket -grins- BUT if that is the worst of my problems, I am a happy bunny! I'll just nip and tuck at the material, same as I nip and tuck at my biological material. I will ask Fred to make a photograph!

Active-person-re-creating-her-life!

Went to the gym and worked hard, very hard. had fun, so much fun sweating my buns off. I find myself moving into an involuntary jog at times. Just because I am having so much fun. My walking speed is so fast that I might just as well jog. I mean at 3.5 mls/hr is is easier to jog than to walk. Now I don't make it past 1 minute at a time but, I do make it!

Now Sayre, now there is a woman I admire! My wonderful blog friend Sayre featured my end of years resolution in her own blog on Monday 21st September: http://becauseimfat.blogspot.com/2009/09/what-i-want-for-christmas.html. I am honored, chuffed, grinning from ear to ear that she did. In it she quotes my goal for Christmas 2009 which is 120kg/264.5 lbs.

And I am still hard at work to make it. This week I will be reassessing that aim and I feel I will have to readjust it to 125 kg/275 lbs. I am moving slow these [past few weeks, and so busy socially that I am having trouble keeping on the straight and narrow. mind you the path is still narrow, but not all together too straight.

Have a nice day you all, and to those who need it, an extra warm and energizing hug.

882 WW & 437 FF - The Day After, and perservering (a few days later than that due to slow posting)

The day after WHAT, I can hear you ask?

Well the day after I heard I have been selected, for a job which I consider to the crown on my career, an interesting and challenging job. I was extremely nervous, and had been anxiously awaiting the results from my interview, when I received a phone call. I picked up too late, got a voice mail and had to redial 4 times as I dialed the wrong number 3 times. Finally I spoke to a lady I did not know, the replacement of the one I did know who was on a holiday. Her initial approach to me did not make me very feel very succesful. But to make along story sort, after one additional question, she informed me I had the job.

I am a very controlled and structured person, which means I do not jump around for joy. And boy is that a handicap. Inside there was this burst of energy, a smile a mile wide, and outwardly there was little to show for it. I shared embraces with some of my colleagues, but still now, up to now 3 days later, it is still very ..........unreal. I have informed family, friends, work associates, and all are happy for me, wish me luck, tell me how they feel it is the job for me.

Know what?

My process of "health watching", life changing, weight changing, perspective changing has led me to this, because the job I have applied for is not something I would have applied for 288 days - 126 weeks ago - 29 months ago. I am a stronger, more defined, self aware person, highly aware of my qualities, my weaknesses. Strong enough to face both, to exploit both to the maximum. And so I know that I CAN do this. Every day my strength, perseverance, and stamina amaze me. It is not just a phase I am going through, but a different life, a different me. And I am genuinely proud of myself.

Still .........

there are days I wonder how in the world will keep going, because I won't be finished in a week, a month, even a few months. It makes me, in a way, sad at times that there is no one, just for me, to share this with. Having said that I am never lonely, and rarely experience the sense of being alone. I have great and wonderful friends, wonderful colleagues, a family I can turn to when I wish. And this life changing process is easier on my own, I have no one to explain myself to, or even answer to. No battles over food items I would not wish to have in the house, or complaints about spending as much time at the gym as I do.  I have seen too many try and succumb to the lure of loving partners who say enough is enough, or simply demand to finally have a normal meal, or a decent bag of crisps in the house.

At present in my life there is no room for any one else but myself. Changes like the one I am undergoing demand time, so much time, demand energy, so much energy, demand attention, so much attention. There would be nothing left for any one else. At this moment in time, dividing my time, effort and attention between me and another on a daily basis would be detrimental to my perseverance. I am sure of that. And so as I have said before EGOISM is a big part of the change in me. The one thing I have to guard against is for the egoism, healthy as it is right now, to take on proportions which drive away precious friends. But I am sure they will warn me in time...............right, guys and gals?

And thus for now persevering does mean being egoistic, joyfully, gracefully egoistic. I like that phrasing:

Willow
excels at

graceful egoism

Now for the humdrum: no weigh in this Wednesday. I had a dinner do, with opera with the office colleagues, so ou will have to wait for next week. But going well, doing well I think. Time will tell. Exercise wise, I am on fire. I drive myself harder, deeper, stronger, faster every day!

Last Sunday I purposely chose not to work out, giving myself a day of rest, just like the good Lord did! Creation is a tiring business and in a way I am creating myself all over again.

Anyways, have a great week, a great day, and remember you ARE the most important person in the world, for without you there is no "your world".

877 WW & 432 FF - Murder, bloody MURDER!

There should be a law against people like Nanda!

Or at the very least a law against the torment she puts people through in personal training. I mean it gets to be ridiculous when muscles ache I did not know I had, er even needed! -grins- on the inside of my leg, where the leg joins the body, there are muscles. Really there are, and they hurt! -points at Nanda- Her doing, drinving me to it!

yesterday I had a very important interview, so "sensitive" I will not even write down what it is untill I am certain I get the job. I am one of two candidates so keep your fingers crossed. Anyways, after the Interview, I was really worked up, I could feel the stress levels simmering in me, and as I had a personal training about 3.5 hour later and the gym was practically next door, I decided to go work out.

Of course I had forgotten, or rather chosen, to leave my swimming gear at home, so.......... I HAD to do the cardio and muscle thing. Swimming always seems so much easire. Problem, or rather challenge, was, I am still on the mend of a HUGE blister on my left heel. SO Making sure my shoes were secure and tight, not allowing the shoe to move even a fraction and start it all up again, I did some power walking, muscle machines, and rowing.

First time I did rowing, as I have always been anxious about my belly being in the way. But it was OK, not too bad at all. Not sure I actually like the excercise, but as it is an all round excercise, using many major muscle groups, I am sure I will be making it a part of my regular routine anyhow!

Then after 2 hours, I did rest some in between, of my own personal torture, I had my own personal coach torture me. Some really high impact excercises, involving my stamina as well. In short, by the end of the session I could not even perform the last exercise very well. Not enough umph left to keep my abdominals contracted, and as a result I could not keep my balance.

Today, I am planning to go to the gym in about an hour or so, and will be designing my own 4 sets of exercises. After about 25 personal trainings I kn ow I can make a set of excercises myself.  Will be showing them to Nanda. SO she can decide on the wisdom of them, and the combination of them. An interesting new phase, me as my own personal trainer.

1. squat with 55 lbs/25 kg on shoulders, top of my back, lunge and squat alternately - legs, ??  2 x 10, 2 x 5
2. kneel at resistance wall, high hand helds, pull waights down while kneeling - shoulders, upper back, abdomen 1 x 15, 2 x 10
3. lay down on step, with dumbell and pully weight - training, biceps, triceps  2 x 10, 1 x 5
4. sit on front of bose ball, 4 crunches, keeping only one foot on the ground, then pick up wightball (about 20 lbs) come to a full stand. abdimon, back, legs, arms  4 sets
5. resistance wall, lower hand holds, lunge step out, point

Oh as for weight?  - makes a sad puppy eyes face-  I GAINED 2 lbs. But know why, way too much partying and eating out! Will make up for it, I always do!  GYM time now, I will report back.

870 WW & 426 FF - 200 Plus Baby (day count adjusted) - WIllow's a 200 BABY!

It is official, yesterday I was weighed at 135.6 kg/298.9 lbs.

I am no longer a 300 Lady, I am a 200 Baby!

So...................Remember this post?

Challenge 2009

"I am aiming to be 264 lbs/120 kg by christmas. A BIG challenge, it means I want to loose 45 lbs/20 kg in 18 weeks, may be a bit too presumptious. Will give it some more thought. I might set myself up to fall!"

I am actually behind schedule: I have now lost 4.4 kg/ 9.7 lbs. This means I am 2.6 kg/5.7 lbs behind schedule! I will rethink my efforts in 3 weeks and may re adjust the end total if need be!

Looking back, counting my blessings again

The last 10 months has been a difficult period. I gained 20 kg/45 lbs (where my total weightloss was once 32.8 kg/72.3 lbs) over a period of 10 months, setting the achieved weightloss back with 60%! And then decided I would not let it happen and lost it all again!

May this year was a special month for me, I visited a man who has been my friend on line for 10 years, and for 13 days I was in heaven, very selfishly, extremely selfishly, only thinking of me, of what I needed, what I wanted. My friend was there to cater to my every need. It made me realise that I AM SPECIAL. Made me realise how special HE is. And so renewed my self esteem batteries. When I travelled back home by plane for 17 hours, I had so much time to think. I painted the full picture. For the past 10 months I may have become an athlete of sorts, going to the gym as much as 4 times a week, but I had greatly neglected my health eating regime, geared to loosing weight. Just the gym was not enough, weight watchers, and a personal trainer were needed. And so I did both, I went to the weekly Weight Watchers meetings again, and found myself a personal trainer, Nanda.

I lost all the weight I gained, and by now a little more even, 8 kg/17 lbs. It is inn essencenot all that much.BUT, have a loook at my measurements!! Most of my weight is around my belly, my arms legs, upper body are by no means proportionally as big as my stomach. Compare the second and the third set of measurements. And you will see I lost 10 cm./4 inches MORE off my waist and hips.

It means that eventhough the weight last year august and this year august is almost identical, my measurements are not; it means I have considerable less fat!! I did not just lose 20 kg/45 lbs as I did the year before as well, but I lost it in a different way. May waist and hips have gone down! YES!!

Below is a comparison between May 3, 2007, August 9, 2008, and September 19, 2009. The first period was my Weight Watchers period, minding my food intake loosing weight that way, and a careful start with Fitness; the second was my Fitness First period, trying to shape my body by being an active sportive woman, however losing track of my weight loss efforst, only to veer back on track again in the last 4 months.

 

---------_--- -2007-2008-2009------------------------

\
Weight-- _________---380.9 lbs. ___315.7 lbs (17.0%)-____  298.9 lbs (21.6%)

Desired w.loss_ _____ 184.3 lbs______64.8 lbs (35.1%)______ 82.0 lbs (44.5%)

Upper arm___   ___     16.1 inch____ _14.2 inch (12.1%) ___  __14.2 inch (14.6%)
Waist_______    ____  59.1 inch._____54.3 inch (8.0 %)VV  __V50.4 inch (14.6%)

Hips ----------    ____  66.9 inch______61.4 inch (8.2%)_______57.9 inch (13,5%)

Right thigh_________ 29.9 inch__ ___27.2 inch (9.0 %)__  _  _ 27.2 inch (9.0%)

And me in photographs

4.6 kg/10.6 lbs to go, to have lost 50% of the desired total!

835 WW & 383 FF & C25K 1.1 - first day C25K challenge

Week from Hell

Ok be prepared for something like a whine. I am not eating well, not drinking well, not sleeping well. I miss talking to my special one and I am working way to hard. BUT having said that I am not doing half bad.

1. Not drinking well: I am struggling to make my two liters. Why? Because I do not fill my bottle every morning when I am at work. BAD Willow!
2. Not eating well: I skip breakfasts, and thus start the day really really wrong. Why? Have had no real time for groceries. BAD Willow!
3. Not sleeping well: Take work home, finding there are not enough hours in a work day, and then end up sleeping less hours Why? Have my priorities all screwed up. Health comes first, Sanity too, work fifth............sixth even! BAD Willow.
4. Don't talk to my special one: I just cannot find a time that hea stime to spend with me. Why? Timezone problems! ~makes puppey dog eyes~just one of them there things I cannot change.
5. Working way to hard: take work home, feeling things should be finished, feeling deadlines breathing down my neck. Why? Because things have not been organised well, and frankly, the team I work in is not a team! BAD Willow...........erm.....no.

So summarising the solution:

1. Fill my bottle of water in the morning
2. Go grocery shopping, and lay of the easy, nearly pointless sweet cookies!
3. Find time to spend with Mr. wonderful, priority........four, after food, drink and sleep
4. sleep at least 6 hours, preferably 7.
5. Take no more work home!

Ok, problems detected, and solutions found. Now........live up to them!!!

C25K week one, day one

I did 5 minutes at 5.5 km/hr, then the remaining 15 minutes alternately at 5.5 km/hr jog, and 4.5 km/hr power walk. I was alittle scared actually running on the treadmill,, so first try I held on to the handles, second try I tried without, sort of half half the remaining 4 I did without any support. And I did it. Odd thing, though I sweated like an otter, It did not challenge me to the max.

I know now I will have to do this first one again as I did 15 minutes alternating. It should have been 20 minutes. Silly Willow!

Though I was very hot after, and my legs were like lead. I managed only 5 mins on the cross trainer. And as it was nearly 09:15 PM before I was finished and my body desperately needed some sauna and steamroom TLC, I just relaxed for about 45 mins, and went home.

Oh and another thing I noticed. I have been taking these hot and cold (really cold) alternating power showers, each lasts 20 seconds, and I can feel myself loving the cold one. I don't know why, but I actually enjoy the cold more than the hot ones.

All in all it is late again, and I should be in bed, because at this rate I will manage just under 5 hours of sleep!! BAD Willow. Oh yes and tomorrow is weigh in day again. I am aiming for 2.2 lbs/1 kg, but I have grave doubts!

Subtitles to my post titles

What does uit all means? 835 WW & 383 FF & C25K 1.1

835 WW = 835 days of WeightWatchers
383 FF = 383 days if Fitness First (the gym) - 150 odd vistis by now
C25K 1.1 = Couch to 5 KM jogging challenge week one day one

-grins- the girl behind the front desk just matter of factly said. See you tomorrow. And I thought "WOW, they have noticed. I am an every day gym girl!"

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

Want to understand hat C25K is all about? Read THIS
Have a great week. hope it is not too warm! will be checking up on all those familiar blogs again soon!

831 WW & 379 FF - Following FLG's blog

A Jogging Challenge. - Saints preserve us!

I read up on many blogs, and one of the in FLG's blog. he kept on talking about a C25K challenge, and dilligently I kept reading about it. And frankly I had no idea what it was. So, I decided to look it up, and it the Couch to 5 Kilometres running plan. As I was reading through a page explaining it, I noticed myself getting more and more exited.

You know what, I think I can do this. For 8 weeks in a row you follow a sort of training programme. If you fail to finish a week, no problem. You just repeat the week untill you can do it. The end result is being able to jog 5 km/3 mls!

Week one
On three seperate days, preferably allowing one day of recuperation the following jogging/walking schedule: Brisk five-minute warm up walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

There is even a lady who has made podcasts to make it easier. The music will guide you on. It will be interesting to see if all my working at the gym has resulted in some stamina. Will let you know!

830 WW & 378 FF - Weigh in

Personal training and weigh in

I believe in before and afters. I have become brave enough to show me, the old me, the new me, the ME me.

The left photograph was taken two days ago 12 august 2009, the other was taken about 5 years ago, may be 6 years ago. No idea what I weighed but it was...........massive.

This is what I work for so hard, so dilligently. It is not just losing weight. It really ia not. It is also about gaining confidence, gaining serenity, peace of mind and soul.

Hard work, but worth every minute I spend to achieve it.

Yesterday my personal trainer Nanda was having a ball. She drove me hard. sweat was pouring down my face, my back, even my lower arms. It still amazes me to see beads of persperation on me, "Miss lazy extra ordinaire", "Miss couch potato", "Miss I am not going to budge from my bed", "Miss sports? Please get away from me".

As for Nanda driving me hard? I noticed she especially focussed on stamina and upper legs, tri and biceps. In the process she also demanded much of sense my balance. She had me do an exercise I could not do well when I tried it about 12 weeks ago. With a weight of 11 lbs in each hand make big steps, making sure to bring the weights close to the floor, the knee of the front leg above the foot, the back leg supported just on your toes, so in essence a squat, then take a step, without support step in the middle, doing the same with the other leg. Each time keep the weights down for 2 seconds before taking the new step. About 15 steps one way, 15 steps back. I hope you people understand what I mean, describing these things somewhat intelligently is hard.

Other exrcises involved arms and again upper legs, quads, abdominals. In short I felt good but dead tired when I stopped. I had done 50 laps (about 1 km/0.6 ml) in the morning, so when it came to the cross trainer I was really beat. I made it for about 7 mins, then caved in and just went to the locker room. I enjoyed jusT sitting and relaxing before I set off to the weight watchers.

AND The grand total for this week is............tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........................
2.2 kg/4.9 lbs

Which means I am ahead of target by 1.2 kg/2.7 lbs! Week ONE is done!!

This morning when I came to the office one of my colleagues had left an envelop on my desk, in it was a very nice incentive, a token of her support; a gift certificate to buy something nice for myself at a perfume shop! And for a moment she brought me to tears. I did not know what to say. How special it is to have people who are willing to support me, cheer me on. It humbles me to know that what I am doing, a very egocentric thing, which at times meakes me choose for me above the people around me, still makes people wish to be as ssupportive as they are.

free translation:

"Willowisheslessline present....going strong, keep it up!"

Because believe, I know loosing weight, getting healthier is in a way a very ego centric process. Unafraid to put myself at the centre of my universe very often. To choose for me-time, me-food, me-activities. And you know what, I think it is/was actually the heart of many of the problems I have faced, not just weight ones. To look out for number one, ME, was never my strong suit. But I can tell you that has changed.

So, without further ado, all my friends, family, neighbours, colleagues

THANK YOU ALL! 

828 WW & 376 FF - Compliments, and hard work

Going strong, on target - weigh in wednesday

I weigh myself quite frequently. Something I vowed I would not a two years ago. And yet I find I need it. In the morning after fitness I weigh myself. Why? Well if I am doing well, it will help me to stay focused. If I am slipping it will help me to get focussed and slide any further. Both have the same result, to know where I am going, and why I am doing all this. Any views on this, post them in a coment I would love to know your views on this.

I was talking to one of my colleagues who has been dieting most of her life. Why? Well reasons for following a diet are usually highly personal. I mean that not every one may agree with your reasons. My colleague could be argued to not need to loose the lbs. She always looks wonderful, well dressed, hair done to perfection, lovely make up, accessoiries to match. However it is not about what we think, it is what she thinks and feels!

But that was not what I wished to discuss. We got to talking about loosing weight, and how the loss of the same amount of lbs was acclaimed and praised by every one around me, but that same weightloss was not even noticed when she lost it. Which means that the effort, dedication and perseverence were noticed in my case but not in hers. In which case I feel it is so much more commendable for her to achieve it than it was for me, for despite voices telling her she need not loose the weight, despite very few people cheering her on, she DID DO IT.

My olleague has chosen a different way of loosing weight. She follows a programme of powders which can be transformed into muesli, omelets, dough for a small bun, potato mash. These items of course also contain minerals, vitains and various other nutrients. With it she is allowed to eat lots and lots of vegetables, but no fruit, sugar or fat. Granted it would not do me, I would go nuts. Her daily intake is not more than 500 kcal. I am amazed that she can actually make it work, I would faint after 2 day!!

But the core of the discussion was this: losing weight is hard, dedicated and seemingly endless task . It is not a process where you can take time out, relax. Praise, smiles cheering and interest in the process DOES help. I should know because all the comments I get sure keep me motivated!

Anyways, today is personal training day again. This morning I swam 50 laps , and will try to do another 50 after my training. Weigh in is today as well. I will let you all know. Justifiably so I should be punished because I sort of binged on ice cream yesterday! It was sooooooooooo good, but having said that I feel bad now and wonder why it is I could not stick to just one or two scoops.

Photograph for August will follow soon, but when Fred tried to take one last night I looked horrible. I looked tired, fat and well.........not me. I will also post a "just after working"out photograph soon. I saw it in FLG's blog and was determined to do so myself. I know I look like...........bleagh, but it is an honest recount of the hard, dedicated and seemingly endless task I have taken on!

My Charms

I don't know ho many of you remember my Pandora charm bracelet. It helped me along the first year and a half. Every 3.5 kg/7.7 lbs weightloss I was allowed to buy a charm. I have by now 22 charms (and 10 more for birthdays and the like occasions) and 17 spacers. At the moment I am on hold with the charms as I gained weight of course. When I reach 288.4 lbs/130.8 kg, I am back on schedule. I will award myself one golden charm at 127.3 kg/280.6, as it will have been ONE hard struggle to regain my stride again.

Planning ahead

I am already planning for a challenge ahead; 24th-27th august I will be part of a huge seminar circus, which emans I will not be able to go to the gym for 4 days, and will have to practice restraint food wise. You know how it is in these 4 star conference places, there is food in abundance, and not all of it healthy.

I must admit the thing which bugs me most is not being able to work out. I am looking into an alternative close by, ill keep all of yous posted!

825 WW & 373 FF - My personal tormentor, errr trainer, is back!

Muscles, I still have them!

Nanda is back! My personal trainer had 4 weeks of holiday, and now she is back. Wednesday last was the first time, the one training which is really personal, one on one. Yesterday was a training which was one on two, me and my fitness buddy Margreet.

I am not sure, but I think she was easy on me. We did train every possible muscle you can think of, with emphasis on stomach, biceps and triceps, chest muscles. I was OK afterwards, just some burn in the day to follow to make clear I had been working out.

Yesterday we did the 1 on 2 routine, and it was........challenging. I notice I have come to the point where it has become easier for me to do coordinated exercises which combine, balance, stamina, and muscles. I don't fall all the time, or have to stop because I am so out of breath I cannot think straight. I try to do them as focussed as possible and do not allow myself to slack. Every time Nanda says "another 8", I push myself to do the extra 8, to not just stop and give up. I am actually starting to enjoy them, and am challenging myself to go slower, drive the muscles harder, go deeper, add an extra two when Nanda says we are done.

Yesterday I put the weights on a resistance wall exercise up because I felt it was too easy. But instead of 2 lbs, I made a mistake and upped it 4 lbs. Nanda noticed half way through the exercise, as did I. I really had to put my all in it. But I refused to stop, and just completed the set, muscles trembling and all. Come to think of it that might be the reason why my arm muscles, chest and shoulder suffer most today.

This week I plan to make a very good one weight wise just to get my challenge on the right track. The goal is 2.2 lbs/1 kg a week. A friend of mine is worried that it is just too much. It is not; 2 lbs a week is something my body can do, without any adverse effect. I wish to build more muscle, that way up the calorieburn during "rest" periods. I am trying to bring my fat percentage down to below 40%, and it is already working, I am sort of struggling around that marker now.

So all in all. All is well. Food wise I am being creative, healthy and at times a little indulgent. weather wise we are warm, hot, warm, windy, hot. In short a typical dutch summer. Oh, and after fitness thhis morning I am going to the movies. Something with ghosts and girlfriends, and Matthew M.

823 WW & 372 FF - Christmas challenge

Setting myself up for a fall?

No flippin' way!

Christmas Challenge 2009

And I quote from my on blog:

"I am aiming to be 264 lbs/120 kg by christmas. A BIG challenge, it means I want to loose 45 lbs/20 kg in 18 weeks, may be a bit too presumptious. Will give it some more thought. I might set myself up to fall!"

I am setting myself this target, and will document on it in my blog. I have lost 28.2 lbs/12.8 kg in last 10 weeks, making up for 3.3 lbs/1.5 kg weightgain in those 10 weeks. So a total effort of 31.5 lbs/14.3 kg. If I take that up to 20 weeks, it would mean a possible weightloss of 63.0 lbs/28.6 kg. That would leave room for some error. Because 20 weeks is a loooooooong time not to slip up, veeeeeeeeeeery .long!

In numbers it looks like this, 1.0 kg/2.2 lbs a week. That should be possible.

WEEK KG LBS TARGET MADE

wk 0 5-8 140,2 309,0

wk 1 12-8 139,2 306,8

wk 3 19-8 138,2 304,6

wk 4 26-8 137,2 302,4

wk 5 2-9 136,2 300,2

wk 6 9-9 135,2 298,0

wk 7 16-9 134,2 295,8

wk 8 23-9 133,2 293,6

wk 9 30-9 132,2 291,4

wk 10 7-10 131,2 289,2

wk 11 14-10 130,2 287,0

wk 12 21-10 129,2 284,8

wk 13 28-10 128,2 282,6

wk 14 4-11 127,2 280,4

wk 15 11-11 126,2 278,2

wk 16 18-11 125,2 276,0

wk 17 25-11 124,2 273,8

wk 18 2-12 123,2 271,6

wk 19 9-12 122,2 269,4

wk 20 16-12 121,2 267,2

wk 21 23-12 120,0 264,9

I need all the support I can get, so keep following me, comment, and keep sending the good vibes. I am on my way, ready to rock and roll! Any one care to join me in their own christmas challenge? With 20 weeks to go, now is the time to set that target!!

Come on, be bold, challenge yourself to the max!

.......................as my weightwatchers coach says,
we'll be in sexy slinky black by Christmas!

822 WW & 371 FF (both corrected as of this date) - Bounce, bounce, bounce!

Bouncing back after a hard week

It has been a full 10 days since I blogged last. The week before this one was a confusing one. I gained 3.7 lbs/1.7 kg. In part this was due to a nasty jaw infection. One of my molars, actually one my dentist is trying to save was giving me grief, painful grief! And she is/was on a holiday! No way was any one going to touch that molar. So the one solution was pain killers in massive doses. It helped but gave me a numb feeling, and eating was no joy. So I did not pay too much attention to food. Hence weight gain.

I promised myself I would not slide more than I did, and this week I lost 2 lbs/0.9 kg again. Still a week of hard struggling, and would you not know it I started my period. -grins- those of you who are male, and don't want to read about these female things, just skip it! When I started to loose serious weight, I also started to have serious pain issues when it was that time of the month. Never had much trouble before! The cramps were much more severe. But well, I just take the good, losing weight, feeling great, with the bad, temporary discomfort.

Also I get eating cravings. Never really noticed I had them before, but now I do. Choccolate is one of my favorites, but basically anything will do. Had some disappointing news, which almost made me go into an emotional binge. But I resisted both, the period and emotion eating, and in the end lost 2 lbs! Hurray for me. See I am learning, or have learned. By now the tricks, advices, rules and regulations have morphed into healthy living and a different me. Does not always work, but in many many more cases than none, it does work!

The hunt is on for the illustrious 299 lbs/136 kg is on. FLG has already made it and I so long to get there as well. I won't make any predictions as to when I will have made it, but I will get there and finally break through the 140 mark, once and for all! Today my personal trainer is back and I will see how much I have retained conditionwise. I can tell her that I lost about 11 lbs/5kg in the mean time!

I am aiming to be 264 lbs/120 kg by christmas. A BIG challenge, it emans I want to loose 45 lbs/20 kg in 18 weeks, may be a bot too presumptious. Will give it some more thought. I might set myself up to fall!

More to tell soon! Gotta get ready! Will make my comments round tonight if I can squeeze it in.

816 WW & 326 FF - one of them there days

Hanging in there!

Not even a very bad day. I transgressed on Ice cream, and croissants, but that is about it. Though mind you that did bring my points balance out of kilter. My toothache is improving, and I am sticking to my excercise regime.

Though the scales did put me off balance. It said I gained 5 lbs. I reminded myself the new skirt IO was wearing was considerably heavier that amything else I had worn, also I am gearing up for the dreaded time of the moon month. But whatever it says, I WILL not let it floor me! No flippin' way!

Hope you have a grand day, mine will be a busy one again, with lots of cycling!

815 WW & 325 FF - bad days

winging it and chocolate

The days past have been kind of dodgy; not enough attention to detail, a bit wishy washy on my exercise, though I did do 100 laps yesterday. And so I blog, just to put all back in perspective.

Yesterday I had too much chocolate, and it has driven up my blood sugar level, leaving me quite hungry, longing for chocolate. So I will set up a eating apttern for tomorrow, here and now. Stick to it and see how much damage control I can do

1 boiled egg
1 slice of rye bread
1 pot of 0% curd
2 spoons of maple syrup
9 points

100 gr. chicken
lettuce
1 tbs mayonaise
fruit, raspberries and blue berries
100 gr. 0% curd
5 points

10 points for dinner

812 WW & 322 FF - Shock and surprise

A moment of your undevoted admiration please...

In case of doubt this is AFTER

And this is BEFORE

This week I lost 5 lbs......FIVE POUNDS, or in metric system 2.4 kilos. It amazed even me. Holy Heck! It means I have lost 13.6 kilo's/30 lbs in the last 8 weeks. -sits kinda stunned myself-

But it is not a gift. I work very hard to achieve it, very darn hard! And so justifiably I am proud of myself, very proud. Oh and I have broken through the 140 kg barrier, and now weigh 139.4 kg/307.3 lbs. Another 3.4 kg/7.5 lbs, and I will be back in the 200+ range. YES!!! In the last 8 weeks I have lost 30 lbs/13.7 kg.

People are showing concern; too fast, too fast "Am I feeling alright? " And I am reminded of a chapter in Dr. Phil's book on weight management. It deals with reactions of others. And their motivation for it. Is it concern, is it jealousy, is it antagonism wrapped really well? In most cases, if not all it IS genuine concern. But he stresses that we are all just human, and to see some one else succeed where we would like to too, is not always easy.

These last two weeks I have lost near 12 lbs, a little over 5 kgs. It was unintentional, and I just think I had all things going my way. And last week I did nearly floor myself while swimming. I am still not sure what happened, but I suspect an all time low for my blood sugar level. Energy source depleted, and wham.....I nearly fainted. Took me an hour to be able to move without feeling I had to throw up, and about 2 hours more to fully recuperate.

But I don't want this weightloss sequence to stop, because... I know I will hit a slow time as well, and I might come to a stand still for a while. We all know how our bodies react now and then. Sometimes it just has to stop, a sort of regrouping even as my efforts continue. Those are the times that really try my determination, and when that hits I wish to have lost at least another 18 lbs, about 8 kgs. I really really look forward to break through the 130 mark. Besides I am hot on FLG's trail -grins evil- Additonally this means I will have made up the weight gain which I caused in the past wishy washy year and a half, which was some 44 lbs/20 kg. A warning how easy it is!

But I find I learn from each new digression from the choosen path. And when I do digress it is a moment, not a week, a month, a lifetime. new thought patterns have been ingrained.

One of my goals is to weigh less than my brother. I know it sounds horrible, and I hope if and when he reads this that he will forgive me -laughs-. But I am fed up with being the biggest member of my family! NO MORE!!

WILLOWPOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR !!!

811 WW & 321 FF - random thoughts

Random thoughts

Did you notice? My blog now has three colums, lots more room for even more information!

When I finish my project and have lost the waight I wish to loose, I wish to share my findings with young people. Why? Because I feel for teenagers, and younger children who are overweight. I wish to steer them away from a the path of corpulence. We have all lived it, well most of us, and although I have had a happy life so far, with little to cpmplain, being overweight, and even dangerously overweight, has inhibited me in being even more happier. It tarnishes the quality of life. It really, really does. And I want to make a difference.

I have great admiration for people like Jamie Oliver. Eventhough you do not like his cooking style, he has effected a dietary revolution on british schools. And I am sure it will affect children, not all, but some, and THAT is reason enough to do it.

I would like to show and educate parents on the effect too many lbs has on a child's perpective on life, growing older, meeting potential partners, being active, sexuality, self worth, enjoyment of healhy food etc. Some of thes issues are BIG ones, and I find parents skip over them just all too easy. Mind you I do not point a finger at my parents. But how I wish they had payed attention to the pounds I was gaining, taken me to our GP, a dietician, a gym. My life would have been different.

I realise that my process of loosing weight is now 39 months ongoing, it has cost money, determination, will power, a lot of effort in excercising, planning, making the right choices. And in a way that is all a good thing, because throwing away a process of near 40 months is too ridiculous for words. I just now realised that as I was posting to Kim Ayres. 40 flippin' months, I am having trouble believing it. They have brought me where I am over 64 lbs less in weight, and not intending to stop.

I love excercising

I got winked at last sunday, by a handsome man no less. It knocked me off my feet. In all my life no one has ever winked at me.

My outlook on life, on love, on sex, on me has changed dramatically. The result is an open smile, an outgong inviting dispostion. I find a lot of the fear to engage with people has vanished, and I am bolder, more daring. Some of the women reading this know what I mean, and perhaps some of the men. I honestly know and feel I am beautiful, intelligent, worth while knowing and as such people percieve me to be. The extra pounds I still carry around (just a little while longer) no longer affect that feeling! And I am having heaps of fun.

2nd 10% benchmark coming up --------> 308.6 lbs - 140.0 kg, so 1.7 kg/ 3lbs to go!

Two years ago I WAS a couch potato, my bestest friends were the TV, DVD and my computer. This week I had a job interview (as I need to look for a new job), and the interviewer asked me after I had been telling about myself, when I was ever home? I smiled and told her seldom, and I never ever watch TV. When I am home I clean, take care of food preparation, blog, chat with friends of old on line, and sleep. Geeeeepers, I HAVE changed a lot! I even have a slight tan because I spend so much time outside, cycling foremost!

I am going to spend some time underneath the solarium, I want to improve on the above mentioned tan! a golden hue is enough for me.

Oh yes, and life........IS wonderful


Weigh in tonight, but first some fitness at the gym. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

806 WW & 316 FF - On fire, I am on fire!

Anybody know a sure way to manage my schedule?

-grins- No, don't bother telling me, I am loving every second of it. I would however love to have about 30 hours in a day. That way I can have my 8 hours sleep, AND some time at home blogging, chatting or just reading a book.

I am now in week 9 of my excercise program with my own personal trainer. I am loving every flippin' minute of it! And am up to 6b times a week. Usually 2 x Cardio, 2 x muscle/cardio, 2 x swimming. I never thought working yourself into a sweat till the droplets fall of my armas could be this much fun! But it is. And I drive myself harder every time. Longer, harder, and going deep real deep. It boosts my self confidence to unprecedented heights!!

What do I do, well here is an example............

Floor excercises
1. Lift 10 lbs ball from ground to shoulder, lunge then throw to my training partner, Margret, step back while she rolls it across the floor [20 x each]
1. Sit on step, 15 lbs ball in front of chest, stand up, making sure I keep back straight, push ball all the way overhead, sit back back to starting position [10x - 10 seconds rest - 10x]
2. On the matrass on my back, bring feet to my ass, bending knees. Then lift shoulders from the matrass, tightening abdomen muscles, and touch with left hand, left ankle in a sideways motion.(15 x left - 5 seconds rest - 15 x left) - 10 seconds rest - (15 x right- 5 seconds rest - 15 x right) - 5 seconds rest - (20 x left - right alternately)

Muscle machines
1. Shoulderpress 2 x 20, 35 lbs-15 kg
2. Torso rotation 2 x 20, 74 lbs - 35 kg
3. Triceps 2 x 20, 74 lbs - 35 kg
4. Biceps 2 x 20, 53 lbs - 25 kg
5. Shoulderpress 1x 20 - 1x15, 35 lbs - 15 kg

Cardio
I top it off with 15 t0 30 minutes of crosstraining, changing the level every 3 minutes, the speed somewhere btween 4,5 and 5 miles an hour.

Swimming
2 x 30 laps with a 2.5 minute period of rest. Total is about 47.5 minute swimming at a steady pace which keeps my heart going nicely. My goal is to go for 60 minutes of swimming with 2 x 2.5 minutes of rest, which is 2 x 30 laps followed by 1 x 16.

All of the above takes about 2 to 2.5 hours. It includes steam room, sauna, topped off by alternating hot and cold showers.

- Oh yes and there is the little matter of losing weight.
I lost near 24 lbs in the past eight weeks. Good or not!! -

I promise to try and post at least once a week. In fact I'll pencil it into my schedule somewhere. Sunday morning sounds like a good plan, AFTER fitness. Although I have to admit, sunday is usual my non fitness day, a day off. But usually if I am not too pooped I get on my bike and go anyways!

Keep up the good work all. And eventhough I missed it, I am so proud of you FLG. You made the 200+ mark before me. The race is on, and I am nearing the 300 lbs mark too. Another 12.4 lbs!!! Watch me fly!!

768 WW & 278 FF - A small break needed?

Water, water, water

It is simple, I have been drinking too little water, and there were days when I did not get close to 2 glasses of the stuff. BUT, in order to lose weight I have to drink. So I am trying to focus on that. I try to empty one container, worth 5 BIG glasses of water before I leave for the gym in the morning. And then when I am working out I empty another bottle worth 2.5 of those glassed. In total that means, IF I do as I say and want, that I have taken in 2.5 litre, or 2500 ml. enough for the day, and anything extra is a bonus.

Do any of you look at yourself in a full sized mirror, ever? I do, and though what I see needs a lot of hard work, I notice some very small changes, as in more muscles, better posture, and better skin condition. Weightless is erratic, as I am struggling to find the right recipe in eating and exercising, but I do feel muscles which are stronger, more toned, and much more than relying on mr. scale, I rely on how I feel.

This week I had a session with my personal coach twice, and she worked me hard. By now we have gone through all the muscle machines, did 3 exercises at the wall, and 4 ground exercises. I notice that many of these exercises include balance as well, because that way you force the body to strengthen the muscles in your abdomen, stomach, hips, and legs. And it is like an added bonus, while working on arm and shoulder you also train the others, just by changing your stance.

I find I wish to understand what I am doing, wish to understand what muscles I use, how to eliminate possible injuries. I want to be able to make my own half hour to an hour exercise program, and use my time and effort as effectively as possible. The next week, I have one session booked on Thursday, and one of Friday. THAT will be a challenge, as muscle fatigue or even soreness will be a factor to take into account.

Margreet and I have taken up swimming as an "easy” work out at some days, and I just feel that it takes care of any serious muscle ache before it even starts. Yesterday after the training I had very tired upper leg muscles, and biking was more strenuous than usual. Today that is nearly gone and I only feel my chest muscles.

In all I am having a ball, sat in the sunshine yesterday, and had lovely sushi. Just in time as today it is raining again! Hope you are all doing well!

763 WW & 273 FF days - Determination and Motivation

Off days - what to do about them?

Frankly, I have no clue. I was reading merry Mary's blog yesterday. The topics were determination and motivation. The question for me is how are these two interlinked, or are they. Mary was having a bad day, motivation non existant, out to lunch, and still on hindsight as I read the comments to her post today again, she had a good day excercise and caloriewise. How, by sheer deteremination, the will to do what is good and healthy at that moment, despite the lack of motivation. Now how would this work, for me that is?

Motivation: the reason or reasons behind one’s actions or behaviour
Determination: firmness of purpose; resolutenesss.

Motivation exists because there is a goal, an end result. Motivation is linked with that end result, it is fed by the promise of something highly desireable. And as such it is when we loose faith in the possibillity of that end result, however desireable, i.e. whenever I stop believing that is is possible to lose 190 lbs in weight, and feel that nothing will ever really change, motivation evaporates, ceases to exist. Why motivate myself for something impossible?

Determination is the strength to go beyond what our bodies, minds, mood, energy level, friends and foe tell us. It is sometimes sheer pig headedness. To hang on without a clue why, may be even a clear purpose? And this is part of the key why determination does work when motivation has ceased to be effective. I think determination does not focus on the end result. At the bare minimum it just focuses on the action, the here, the now; to keep running, keep reading, keep caring. Because if we would focus on the end result, the goal, given the state our mind, our heart is in, for instance, a formidable or even an all time low, we WOULD just stop!

Today I have an off day energy wise. I had 6 hours of blissful sleep, but made the mistake of hitting the snooze button about 8 times between 5 and 6 AM. Not a good idea. My legs were like lead. In the end I did just 20 minutes cross training and some 10 minutes kinetic wall. I may go and swim this afternoon after work. It was determination which mmade me even get on the cross trainer, coupled to the coaxing of my training buddy, Margreet. Without her, and a good dose of determination, I WOULD have stayed in bed.

I wonder how you see this determination/motivation cunundrum?

762 WW & 272 FF days - Muscles galore!

Ever felt muscles you did not know you had?

Well, I did! Though I must say, the regeneration period is fast.Yesterday I had my second day of training. A formal introduction to the various muscle machines. This sesssion I do together with my friend Margreet. As Nanda, my personal trainer explains all the various contracptions, I listen carefully, try to understand what muscle groups they train, how to use them effectively, and avoid injury. She focusses on the BIG muscles, stomach, legs, back, arms, explaining that these can take quite apounding. And immediately she proceeds to make us do so -groans-

I find the whole subject fascinating, and I find myself eager to understand and learn. It is sunday now, and as it stands, is the one day this week where I would not go to the gym. But I am thinking of going anyways. All is packed so...... I will go.

I did a copy of the raining yesterday, leaving out the leg press, and legg curl. After that 15 minutes of intense cross training, alternating speed and level, then 30 minutes of swimming, just to iron out themuscles, and relax them while doing some easy swimming. Then to totally relax the muscles and start regeneration and recuperation fully, some sauna and steamtoom time. In all a one hour training session, focussed, concentrated and intense. I can feel my myscles, but it is not bad, just very much aware of it.

As for weight loss, I have not reported on that at all. Strange is it not. I am so focussed on the fitness regime it seems less important. In the last two weeks I have lost near 12 lbs. I know a massive amount and it even amazes me, but what I have noticed more than anything is a change in body shape. My waist is reshaping most of all, tighter, and there is less of it. somewhere in my files.

14 days , 11 lbs less

The thing I just realised is that I have not made any mention of how much weight I lost in the last 2 weeks since I kickstarted the whole process again. In all I lost 11 lbs in 14 days. Not bad !! Not bad at all.

This morning, monday 8 june, a leisurely swim, 30 laps, just to keep the muscles going. And for tomorrow I have some resistance wall scheduled, as well as a cross training, together about an hours worth of excercising. The past 4 weeks I have not been able to train much longer than an hour in the mornings as I had to be at the office as of 08:30 AM. Mary, secretary to the chairman is on a holiday, and I try to keep things going as best I can. BUT only 4 more days!

759 WW & 270 FF days - Synergy in loosing weight

Gone, Goner, Gonest?

No, no, no!! You could not be more wrong! I am still here, still doing my darnest, and though I admit I have been all over the place foodwise and dietwise, I have never lost track of what I want to achieve. At the moment I weigh 146.8 kg/323.6 lbs. Which means I HAVE gained weight. That weight is fat but above all muscle. With more weight than about 6 months ago, I have less inches/centimeters to show for it.

Some of you may remember how I started to go to the gym somewhere in august 2009? That in itself was revelation for me. For a while there I thought that that much work out meant that my food intake was not that important. It would compensate when my food intake was not.........as it should be. WRONG!! Also I noticed I lost UMPH, willpower, stamina. In short, though I loved the work outs and became a very frequent visitor of the gym, I slowly slid downhill. For various reason mentally and emotionally I landed up in "darkland", and believe me gaining weight does not help at all. It makes it worse, because you do start to feel like a failure. I thought myself hideous, horribly ugly and had serious problems trying to crawl ot of the black hole.

Then somewhere in April this year I did some soul searching. I made an appointment with my dentist for some serious dental work, and finally plucked up enough courage to go visit the dearest and most wonderful of all friends I have in Washington. Can you imagine, 10 years of talking to this man, and we had never met. So in April/May of this year I went to Washington. What a fantastic city this is! I fell in love with it, as well as with the man; a brilliant tour guide, conversationalist, a man as generous as I could have wished him to be. The best holiday I have ever had. I came back a much happier person.

And so, after having recharged my emotional battery majorly, my smile fixed, my self confidence at an all time high, I reviewed what it was what I was doing to lose weight and how I could improve on it. Mind you, not what I was doing wrong, but how I could improve.

What was I doing:

1. Weight Watchers points system, but not counting points, not going to the meetings
2. fitness, 3 - 4 times a week; tred climber and cross training
3. weighing me at the gym whenever the mood took me, sometimes not for several weeks on end.
4. falling back into old habits of eating to console myself.

What did I improve:

1. Go back to weight watchers meetings, weighing on wednesday, start counting and weighing again
2a. fitness, set up a personal instruction program with Nanda, fitness coach: 10 week programme, which will teach me in fifteen 30 minute trainings how to work my body as effective as possible
2b. a minimum of 4 trainings a week (minimum of 60 mins), training muscles, cardio and balance - these are non-optional
i. swimming
ii. resistance wall and muscle training (machines)
iii. cardio training: cross trainer and treadlimber
iv. resistance training and muscle training (weights, steps, floor exercises)
2c. 2 additional trainings (minimum of 30 minutes) swimming - these are optional
3. weighing myself at least once a week, get an overview of FFM, Body fat and TBW
4. minding the old habits, keeping the momentum going

The 10 week programme set up will demand a lot of time, but as it is all my trainings are early in the morning, so by the time I come home, I can crash and do nothing. Strangely enough though I notice I have lot of energy to burn even ate the end of the day.

The last two weeks 11.2 lbs/5 kg, and I feel envigorated. My musles ache now and then protesting as they get into the swing of the excercising. I find the swimming and the sauna help a lot. They relax my musles and allow me to recuperate, strong and healthy for the next day.

I will describe the exercises as best as I can, for it will enable me to repeat them more easily.

1. crunch
Lie down on your back on the floor, on a stepper, bring your chest to your knees, while you pull in your knees, stretch and repeat. If need be use support of your hands, just to balance your self

2. resistance wall lunge, weight 4 lbs.2 kg
Stand left of a rope (horizontal along the floor) , take hold of the rope handle with your right hand. Breath in, bring right foot back, resting on the ball of your foot, the knee of your left leg bent at a right angle, the support of your weight in this leg. Step back, and lift the weight cord straight up over your shoulder, breath out.

- mirror this for the right side

3. stand ups, ball 15,5 lbs/7kg ball
St down on high stepper, feet about 1 foot away from you, about 1 feet apart, toes pointing forward. Hold the ball in front of your chest, arms pressed close to the side of your chest. Keeping your back straight, stand up, making sure you use the muscles of your legs, buttocks to lift you. Do not curl your back to give yourself extra momentum! Push the ball up, and breath out. Breath in as sit down again, and bring the ball to your chest.

4. Resistance wall, arm press 18.5 lbs/8 kg
Stand in front of the left rope, and take it in your right hand. Pull to ensure the weights are free hanging. Then with right foot, pivoting on your left foot to come to a shallow squat at a 90 degree angle from previous position. Pull with your right hand on the cord while you breath in, a short way until the hand is level with your left shouder, then breath out slow and with the left hand PUSH the right hand on to your right. Do not move your torso, do not pivot your waist; keep the squat stationary. Keep your hands about a foot or more away from your body as you push. Push until you cannot do so any further without moving your torso, then bring the hand back slowly in reverse order, step back to the initial position, breath in. Keep the abodmen and stomach muscles tight.

- mirror this for the right side

The above is testimony to a long process, a process which makes me aware that making my goal, effectively, at a good pace with out veering of the pass needs focus, determination and will power. One of the ways to do this is to organise, something I like and am good at. To see it as a project, of which I am the projectmanager.

And so I have combines all the seperate efforts in to one big one, where every part adds to the other, the synergy of which gives me momentum, and makes me smile every day.

so I would say:

Here, herer, herest

651 WW & 172 FF days -stomach bug and still not on track

My friend the Norvirus !

I have it! The solution to the enrgy dilemma we all face in years to come!! Once a year we all volunteer to haveing injections of the Norovirus, or in layman's terms volutarily induced shitting desease. It DOES throw your entire digestive system out of whack, BUT you do produce enough methane to keep a city alight for a month -grins- or so it feels.

I have not been to the gym in a week, eat whenever I can or am brave enough to do so. SO, I have no idea where I stand weightwise. I feel like a beached whale, everthing is bloated and painful. Even the muscles in my upper torso are protesting. The contractions in my stomach and bowels just do not agree with my general physique.

Can you tell, I am ILL! will report back soon, I promise.

634 WW & 165 FF days - A continuing story

I am still here !

FIRST OF, every one who kept asking about me, sending me comments. Thank you so much. Believe it or not it did help. I kept them in my in tray and every time I opened my mail, I saw them and it nudged me closer and closer every time.

IT FLIPPN' WELL DID WORK!

For weeks and days now I have been trying to fight my way through all the excuses a person can make up not to face facts and go from where I stand now. Bottom line, I gained weight. For 17 weeks I just slid down the path. But the journey continues, I am NOT lost. I gained 10 kg/22 lbs.

What did remein is my fitness regime. I am probably in better physical shape than I have ever been. I still go to the gym 4 times a week; yesterday and today I burned off a total of 2000 kcal. Today: 45 minutes of tred climbing, 862 kcal, 2.6 KM, 268 m. elevation. A good work out considering I did a 1200 Kcal one yesteday.

I am curious to see how these two combine, and how much time I need to get to my all time low point this journey , 130 kg/286.6. I am hoping I will be there at my birthday.

I have this week off, and I am taking this time to get back in the saddle. The steps to takë:

1. Plan my meals
2. Go back to Weight Watchers
3. Go to the gym
4. Drink my water
5. keep my blog going

1. I don't much like the first one, as I tend to think I know all the things I should eat by heart by now. But writing it down will make it visible again. Unearth the little white lies I tell myself. I will use WW on line programme to do so.
2. The second one will mean I need to swallow some pride, not view this as a failure , but as part of the whole journey. I will report back on this on thursday.
3. Going to the gym is not a problem, I love it, and except for the ungodly hour I have to be up. it is no challenge.
4. Drinking water, now there is a challenge. On Gym days I empty the bottle take with me, which is a third of that amount. I will put down 2 bottles of water every day, so I know how much water I have gobbled up. They total 3 liters of water.
5. As for keep blogging, I would suggest, "watch this space"

Food wise I seem to be on a sugar craving. I just cannot seem to stop the need for sweet things. Which means I using way to much sweetner and other sweetning products.

So I started to readup on sugar. And I would like to share some of my research with you.

Sugar addiction has long been joked about. Most researchers, however, believed you could not get hooked on sweets and lose control over consuming them, as if they were drugs. Now studies compiled over the years are making some scientists revisit the idea. The results do not indicate that donuts are in the same category as addictive drugs like heroin, alcohol or nicotine. They do suggest that some brain actions and characteristics associated with the intake of sweets and drug addiction may overlap.

I myself notice that once I begin with eating sugar, there is almost no stopping me! And yes I do notice a difference between the real hard core stuff and the fake replacement stuff! The word comfort food says it all. A sweet chocolate drink makes us feel warm,happy, even cared for. And so we delude ourselve to think that a mer food item can make us happier, make the world all right.

Now I am not advocating that we banish all sugar, but I do believe we should be highly aware of the addictive nature sugar can have on us. In fact there is scientific proof as to how this addiction actually works within our bodies.

And on the subject of healthy skin the following. Eat any vegetable with bright colors and you will be supplying your body with vitamin A, C and E, These vitanins are in fact anti oxydants which fight fee radicals in our system. Free radicals, among others, affect the condition of our skin. Anti oxydants react/bind with free radicals before they themselves can react with the cells in our body. Free radicals very easily react with our cells such as our DNA, causing a chainreaction with aging or even life threathening results; a disturbance in the cellular multiplication, such as the quality and age of our skin, but can also results in cancer.

However we do NEED free radicals to function, so the trick is to limit the negative side effects of their positive contribution to our general well being, and THAT is where anti oxydants come in to play. It has been proven that people who eat an abundance of fruit and vegetables, but also nuts look healthier (skin), and live longer. How do your recognise the skin healthy vegatbles and fruits? You cannot go wrong by going for the brightly colored orange, red, yellow!

SO much for the nutritional pep talk, time to get to my planning. This purposely printed smaller and grey as I will not waste time translating it in english. It is after all strictly for my benefit!

maandag, 26 januari 2009
Ontbijt
1 verzadigende portie(s) Kwark, 0% v.g., naturel 3
1 hoeveelheid (naar smaak) Poeder 0

Lunch
1 1/4 portie(s) Bruin brood 5,5
1 koffielepel(s) Light 0,5
Nusspaprika - Snel voedingsmiddelen toevoegen 1,5

Diner
1 verzadigende portie(s) Tilapia 3
1 verzadigende portie(s) Witte rijst, ongekookt 4
1 portie(s) Tomaat 0
1 portie(s) Ui 0
1 portie(s) Champignons 0

Tussendoortjes
2 koffielepel(s) Light 1
2 plakken parelkandijkoek 3
2 glas (glazen) Yoghurtdrink, limoen 2

Verbruikte POINTS waarden 23,5
Resterende POINTS waarden 2 ,5

Activiteiten
45 min Bergbeklimmen 12
45 min Fietsen (matig tempo) 4,5

Verdiende Active POINTS 17.0