May 2 2011

Still here? Heck yes!

Though it feels like an engine attempting to kick start, coughing, huffing, puffing. Now granted, it never stalled. I promise, just a matter of motor running and going an unexpected way, disappearing from the radar, even my own radar. And wondering at times what the blue blazes am I doing here?

I don't and didn't know. What do I know now?

Feeling sorry for myself? Yes.
Feeling angry with myself? Yes.
Feeling disappointed with myself? Yes.
Looking for answers? Yes.
Given up? ALMOST, really ........almost. There have been times in the past weeks & months I wondered, why even try? Why not quit? Just dont pay attention to where am I going, what am I doing, just riding the wave?

But know what? That will not do. It means I accept that we are like a rubber dingy on the sea of life, a dingy without oars or paddles that is. And I know that is not true, is not me! Right at this moment I feel like I have found the paddles again. And even though I know there has been a time when I was not just using paddles, but had even crafted myself a strong sturdy out board motor and was going places, right now I am using paddles. And boy is it hard. Every single day I lose them, not just once but three or four times, and I take a deep breath and just try to cope with disappointing myself again.

On a lighter note: 

I have this week off YAY, just to enjoy, to be me, and work on me. No miracles mind you. No kilos and ounces, just focussing. Additionally I have been giving this webpage a lot of thought. I am dutch based and this website is in english, do I really want that? Don't know yet.

Any how....I want to put a link here which is Dutch. It is a recipe, vegitarian, oriental.  I have applied for the free digital recipe book "Milk & Honey". I might make this one day soon. If any one is interested, I will translate the recipe once I have it, or order it yourself:  Melk & Honing gratis receptenboek

Spinach an treacle with a deep fried egg and potato cream

What is in store for today, well what is left of the day? 

Well food this morning, and for lunch is shambles, I admit it. But for diner I will have rice, with stirfried mushrooms, prawns and crab meat, and a glass of cold water.

Tomorrow, I will get up and after morning tea and some breakfast, I will head for the gym, and enjoy some work out with a good friend. I am aiming for a work out every day, however short. will report if it works out. 

Have a great monday!