Thursday 29 July 2010

Giving up...

I am so close to giving up..in fact have I not given up already? I have gained a lot of weight, and am struggling to even see the road. There are however some small anchors still keeping me semi grounded to the cause. What makes me sad most of all, is not the gained weight, let's face it I am used to it. But moreso the fact that I really believed I could change my life, my ways, only to learn that I may be able to it, but have in fact NOT.

The small anchors- both positive and negative?
  • still going to weight watchers. Not every week, but I am still going.
  • friends who keep being in terested
  • remembering how good it felt to lug around less weight
  • having thrown away all clothes way too big for me, noticing the clothes I have now are ill fitting, and in fact some do not fit anymore!
  • being healthy is important to me.
  • Looking "fat" again, and I do not want that!
  • still working out, less but still 4-5 times a week
Yesterday I went to weight watchers for the first time in 4 weeks . I had LOST 0.5 lb. Not much at all, but the important fact was I HAD lost weight,and had not been to a weigh in for 4 weeks; because believe me I can gain 15 lbs in such a period, and have in fact done so.

SO, in short I am on the cross road.....to keep going and view this as a learbing curve, or just stop and work to accept the fact that I am a product of my childhood and past, and cannot change.

This is in fact a cry for help........

12 comments:

dutchmarbel said...

Been there, done that.... it's hard to get back in the rhytme. Sometimes you have to allow yourself to stay on more or less the same weight and the struggle is to NOT GAIN instead of to loose the weight.

But look back at how much you have still lost! You can do it, but it's hard to ALWAYS do it. Wether it's childhood, genetics or something else, all of us weightwatchers know that we are in a battle that won't suddenly end when we reach our target weight.

I had trouble getting back in the rhytme too. Just came back from holiday and have been eh.... more indulgent than I should have been. But I also know that I hate the weight, I hate being this fat, I hate the fact that my belly is always hampering my movements and that I look in the mirror and see someone I don't want to be. So I am determined to start again and really go for it. Because I know from experience that it sometimes takes some 'restarts' but I CAN turn the switch and get back in the proper lifestyle. And when I lose the weight and eat the proper things again, I know that it will be hard the first few weeks, but that I get used to it and will start to like it.

Don't give up, surmount!

Sayre said...

YOU CAN CHANGE! It isn't easy, but it is worth doing. That said, I am in the same boat. I'm still working at it, and have actually found a routine that works for me, but sticking to it is SO hard!!! The fluctuation of summer holidays for my son and never knowing if I'm going to be with him in the morning or the afternoon makes sticking to a regular routine tough. I am actually longing for school to start with the much more regimented days!

You're still on my blog list, so I can see when you've got a new post. I just haven't been here myself in a couple of weeks - too busy!!! I have a new post up that explains why.

Kim Ayres said...

Good to see you're still alive - I'd been worried by the lack of posts.

Part of the problem is the reasons we eat more than our body needs are multiple and complex. We conquer one or 2 of the reasons, start having some success, and then one of the quieter ones, lurking in the background, leaps out and destablises us. And suddenly we revert to where we were before in a cycle of self loathing and medicating with the food.

Can you get back on track?

Absolutely you can. You have shown you can in the past. The woman who was capable of making the huge strides forward you did, is still there - that was you, no-one else. You have it within you.

And you are still hanging on. The fact you are still working out is a big thing.

Yes it's a pain when we have to start again, but this time you know what works - you know the routines and regimes that have been successful in the past.

And you know that you start feeling the benefit within a few weeks.

I think it's time to listen to this, Willow. This is for you :)

This is for you

Anonymous said...

Hi dear,
Waiting for a new post, know you try and am there for you. Hang in there.

Gosia.

Anonymous said...

Hey Willow,

Glad to see you blogging again. I think the weight loss journey is full of lessons and I tend to view this phase you have written about more as a learning curve than a failure.

I'm back in the saddle myself and making great progress. I believe you can do it too.

Hugs,
Nona (55kgs)

Anonymous said...

It is too late to think that you are a product of your childhood and past, and cannot change. You have changed a lot since your first blogs :-) Maybe you were working too hard to keep that pace up. Just evaluate all the things you were doing and keep those good habits that are attainable .. There is a huge difference between "slow down a bit" and "giving up".

Bryan said...

Hi, Im Bryan and I was just browsing through blogs and I came upon yours. I actuall have a nutrition blog and am very interested in helping people get in the shape they want to be in. Ive helped people successfully in the past. Write me back, Im here for you.

Siobhán said...

What about the I can, I will, I want to?
There's only one person that can change yer life, and that you yerself!

Ann said...

I hope you do not give up. I totally get where you're coming from tho.... I also have over 100 lbs to lose and recently joined WW - urgh, it's so hard to change! Because really, it's mental more than physical, don't you think? Sure, I'm fat because I "eat too much, move too little" - but the REAL CAUSE is what's going on in my head... that's the difficult stuff, in my opinion.

Lauren Elizabeth Richards said...

Hello! I just stumbled across your blog, and read this post. Please don't give up! Sometimes we all want to call it quits on one thing or another. But you are a strong woman and I know you can do anything you put your mind to.

By the way, I think you are SO beautiful!! Like amazingly gorgeous! Even the "starting weight" picture puts a smile on my face. Never forget how beautiful you are - inside and out!

Best wishes,
Lauren <3

Kari Skinner said...

Keep going! Remember that great feeling of accomplishing losing weight or just knowing that you are healthy. I am in a rut right now too. I just wrote in my blog yesterday I was going to go to spin class and how I was stuck in this rut, but yesterday would be the day that I would get out of it! guess what? I didn't do it. But I am not going to give up completely. I know that I will feel so much better once I feel healthy again. Once you stop, the hardest part is starting again. But you will be so glad you did!

Some tips:
I think it is always easier to have someone who can hold you accountable. I've done this with friends before. It really helps. Plus its even better if they can work out with you but some of us don't have that luxury. Keep going to the meetings!

Find stuff you enjoy doing. Some times I just have to change it up because I am sick of the exercise I am doing. I start to hate it and it makes me want to completely give up. But if I can find something I enjoy, I am that much more motivated to work out!

And that last one is silly, but sometimes I buy myself something new. Like a new pair or shoes or shorts, something that I will have to work out in order to use!

Anonymous said...

I hope you are back on your diet and regimen. I myself have gained a lot of weight, so I know how you feel. We cannot give up. Think positive, have faith in God and yourself!!

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