Friday, 11 July 2008

455 days

Tuesday 29 July

Day maximum: 28,0 points

Day´s Bonuspoints used/saved: 0,0/0,0

Week´s Bonuspoints needed/saved: 26,5/4,5
Day´s excercise - cycling : 60 minutes Activity points: 3,0



(REQUIRED 6) water/tea: 3
REQUIRED 3) vegetables:1
(REQUIRED 2) fruit: 1
(REQUIRED 2) fat: 2
(REQUIRED 2) calcium: 2

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Self analysis

Question is "How am I doing"? Answer, really? I don't know. I am in limbo land. Motivation has gone missing in action, and the pounds I lose one week are back on again the next week. So I guess analysing things. I am losing confidence in my ability to make a positive change.Last week I lost 3.9 lbs, the week before I gained 9.9 lbs, which I had lost the week before, 10.6 lbs. More than anything I wish to break free of the jo jo effect. But I am having serious trouble doing.

I know all of this sounds dismal. But in truth is is not. Recognising what ails me is the frst step to conquerring it. One other step is to find out why I am I losing confidence. And I think I know the answer to that one as well. There is one aspect in my life I just cannot seem to controll and it is bugging the hell out of me. I am a grown, sane, intelligent woman, and still I get the idea something is horribly wrong and has been that way for years now. What that is? Well, it is of such nature that this once I am going to leave all of you guessing. And no it is not drugs or alchohol..................

Food wise, one day is better than another. I seem to be muddling along. lacking in nutrients sometimes to make up for excesses of the day. NOT GOOD! I know. For instanceI took a machine made hot chocolate this morning. And why? The temperarture outside is near 25 degrees, the brew is horribly sweet and has no nutrients in it! So I guess I am feeding an emotion more than my body. I keep telling people I am doing alright, and I truly believe that, but there is that sharp edge to all of this which I just know can cut me real bad, and I will have trouble recuperating if I alllow it to.

I am curious if I have lost weight again this week. It has not been a bad week. Eventhough I celebrated my birthday on saturday with my relatives. Had a lovely fishdish with very little fat count to it, an olive soup, and a very rich dessert (white chocolate croissant pudding). The rest of my days have been very reasonable. The odd ice cream here and there. The heat does funny things to me.Yesterday I had a lovely rice dish with fish and spicey tomato and yoghurt sauce, dessert was fresh fruit and curd lightly frozen. I find that whenever I just cook a meal and enjoy the creative element of cooking healthy I am doing alright. It is when I start pecking things go wrong. I have developed quite a need for sugar, and it crops up now and then.

All in all a pretty horrid story, NON? However one thing I do need to say. it is the loyal and very lovely and wonderful people who keep posting which yank me back to this blog time and time again. And the trick seems to be blogging every day. It focuses me. The trick is, actually doing it!And le voila, I AM doing it! So give me strength.....................!

6 comments:

Sayre said...

Perhaps it would help you to talk it through a bit. Why you made the choices you did. Which ones were normal; which were unusual; which were extraordinary?

I have a hard time just listing food - I have to "talk it out" when I have issues or triumphs.

Are you still going to your weight watchers meetings? I feel like maybe you need more support, more conversation to get you to where you need to be.

ArleneWKW said...

Where did you go?

Nona said...

Hi sweet Willow. So wonderful to have you back. I know it has been hard for you recently, but I am glad that you have found you mojo again. I hope it sticks around and the numbers keep going down. You are one of my weight loss heroines and I want to see you succeed in reaching your goals.

Your previous post was great. I will have to look out for one of those water reminder things. I really need one as my water intake is abysmal. As I type, I am sitting next to a full glass of water which I have completely forgotten to touched in the last three hours. ;(

I'll be checking in soon again. (((Hugs)))

Sayre said...

Do I have to come OVER THERE???? Where are you, Willow?

Moby Dick said...

Keep working on it! One day at a time!

Sayre said...

You seem to know what's holding you back... Perhaps now is the time to tackle it.

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