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I woke up early this morning, despite the fact that I have a week off and can lay in as much as I want. The reason why I woke up? Well, I sleep at floor level, mainly because my bedroom is not yet ready, and one of my cats decided to throw up next to me. As I had to put the garbage and the kitty litter out anyways, I got up and do so. And while I was at it cleaned the downstairs entrance hall floor and walls as this is where the kitty litter tray stands. Mind you the space is 3" by 3", so it does not take very long.
I was really angry with myself for overindulging in Cracker Jacks yesterday made me decide to bin the remainder of them, two full packages, and an almost full one. I just cannot be trusted around them, and I do not wish to repeat yesterday's disaster. So I "BINNED THEM".
As a result this morning I did 15 minutes of cycling at 22 to 28 kilometres/hour, and I will be doing 15 more later this evening. I have regained control, had a lovely dinner of broccolini, fish and spaghetti with red peppers and cream.
Today I did some soul searching. Why am I so angry with myself? If I am honest I have had only 3 days in which I excessed, the culprit me, my "henchmen" chocolate and caramel. That makes three out of 96 days, one day a month. But the anger and disappointment do not lay in the eating more then my daily maximum. No in two other factors:
1. Being aware, fully aware, I am eating too much of something which will cause me to go beyond my maximum unplanned, AND still not stop doing it!
2. I am scared to bits I will fall back to my old habits, my old eating regime, and damage all the good I have done so far.
1. The first I have no answer to, and I can honestly say it was not an emotion leading my binging. So as I grow and evolve into a healthier woman, I need to see if I can find an answer to the question why I do.
2. The second is the very core of the disappointment and anger. One which I am sure will solve itself as time goes by. I need to trust myself that what I eat and who I am is steadfast and secure, and will NOT be obliterated by an occasional splurge.
Breakfast
6,75 points
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4,00 p - 4 rye bread
0,50 p - 10 gr. Lunera (8%)
1,25 p - 25 gr. serrano ham
0,50 p - 1 slice Meatloaf (WW)
0,50 p - 10 gr. cream cheese
Lunch
4,0 points
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0,0 p - Salad with cellery, tomato, pepper
3,0 p - 30 gr. goatsheese
1,0 p - 1 tbls Yofresh
Diner
10,0 points
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2,0 p - 120 gr. pangasuis
2,0 p - 200 gr. broccolini
2,0 p - 100 gr. pasta
3,0 p - 3 cs olive oil
0,0 p - garlic, red peppers
1,0 p - 30 ml. cookingcream light
2 water
Various
3,5 points
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2,5 p - 1 bag Snack a Jacks
1,0 p - 1 snack a Jacks
1 water
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Day maximum: 29,0 points
8 water (09:00 PM), 0 vegetable, 1 fruit, 2 fat, 1 calcium
1. Total bonuspoints used/saved: 24,25/4,0
2. Bonuspoints needed/saved: 7,0/7,75
3. Exercise total: 681 minutes/25 minutes cycling
***SUMMARY: Water OK; Points needed 0,0; Extra excercise: 15 minutes walk***
2 comments:
Hmmm...knowing you shouldn't be eating so much and doing it anyhow means you are part of the human race. Don't be so hard on yourself. You pointed out that it was 3 days you goofed up. You are focussed on the wrong number. You did well for 93 days!!!! When you goof up, acknowledge it. Decide how you will deal with it next time. Look forward. Don't dwell on the past.
I think being scared of falling off the wagon is a good thing. It's like pain. No one like getting hurt, but pain keeps you from getting hurt worse. So fear will help you avoid falling off the wagon.
You are doing well.
You didn't goof up, not at all.
You enjoyed Cracker Jacks for a few days. It's the throwing them away that puzzles me. I just invite my sisters children over for special time at Auntie Joy's where they can do whatever they want, and tell them to clean me out of junk food!
At the moment I have a bag of chocolates, good ones, dark Dutch squares I believe, and I will NOT allow the children to have them. Far to pricey, and I enjoy one square per day. Each square is one point. I bought the chocolate because I haven't had it for so long and I had a desperate craving.
Thankfully I never enjoyed Cracker Jacks. I couldn't have just a few bites of a treat and be trusted to put the rest of the box away. With the chocolate, I only unwrap one square at a time.
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